Sensitivity
by cinderalex
Summary: Tonks finds herself bound by a very common misperception about Remus and Remus sticks to his litany of “too old, too poor, too dangerous” for Tonks. A sweet and USTy RLNT fic set during OotP.
1. First Impressions

Title: Sensitivity

Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: First Impressions  
Chapter Summary: Initially, Tonks and Remus find each other attractive, but they also find reasons to stop themselves from admitting it.  
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my elementary school best friend, Susan. I know you read HP fanfiction, so if you happen to read this fic, e-mail me cause it has been too long!

* * *

Author's Note: This story used to have a prologue, but I decided to take it out. However, upon popular request I have archived it on livejournal. So, by going to my profile and clicking on my homepage you can find it!

* * *

may my heart always be open to little  
birds who are the secrets of living  
whatever they sing is better than to know  
and if men should not hear then men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry  
and fearless and thirsty and supple  
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong  
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully  
and love yourself so more than truly  
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail  
pulling all the sky over him with one smile  
-e.e. cummings

* * *

July 1995

Auror Headquarters

"I can't believe they took Dumbledore off the Wizenmagot! They should be listening to him, you know! He's obviously right! I just wish there was something _I _could do to help," whispered Tonks passionately to her supervisor Kingsley Shacklebolt, nervously running her hands through her waist-length black hair. She knew she was stopping just short of being blasphemous to the Ministry, and they did pay her salary.

To her surprise, Kingsley nodded. "I thought you might feel that way, which is why I asked you, of course." Tonks' hand flew to her mouth in surprise, knocking over the bowl of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean that had been perched on the edge of Shacklebolt's desk. He continued, as they both bent down to pick up the multi-colored candies that now littered the floor, "Dumbledore has a secret group, the Order of the Phoenix, which is dedicated to defeating You-Know-Who, with or without the Ministry's help."

"Ooooo!" exclaimed Tonks, popping a bean from the floor into her mouth and standing up with Kingsley, intensely excited at the thought of actually accomplishing something. "How can I– "

"Shacklebolt!" A rather worn looking wizard appeared, striding towards Kingsley, a manilla envelope in his hand. He glanced from the balding wizard to Tonks and then said, "I have information on Sirius Black in here, and I have some more information I can only disclose to you in a _private _interview."

This new wizard had shaggy brown hair, shot with grey at the temples, and was wearing a tattered suit, patched in many places. At first she had thought he was older, in his fifties or sixties, but a closer look revealed him to be no more than forty. As she chewed the cherry flavored candy, she wondered who he was and what new information he could possibly have on the escaped convict. She decided to ignore his hint to leave until her questions were answered or flat out denied answers by Shacklebolt.

Kingsley seemed to understand her curiosity as he said, "Remus, this is Tonks. Tonks, Remus Lupin."

He took Tonks outstretched hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. His palm was soft, but firm, almost padlike, and the back of his hand was marred with scars. She glanced up at his face; he was smiling.

"Just Tonks?" His voice rang with amusement. "Is that a first name or a last name?"

"It's an only name."

Lupin shot Kingsley a questioning glance.

"Her full name is Nymphadora Tonks."

"Kingsley, I know some pretty good hexes and I am thinking about using them on you."Tonks warned, reaching inside her robe for her wand.

"Nonesense. Nymphadora, you have a lovely first name," Lupin assured her. She turned her glare on him. This only seemed to amuse him more. The full brilliance of his smile took her by surprise and she couldn't help but smile back, despite the fact that he had just called her by her given name.

"Alas, Remus, you are a far braver man than I. Tonks just passed her Auror training a year ago, but she is damn good at hexing."

He nodded, observing Tonks carefully, "I'm sure she is."

"Well, I should let you get to that _private _interview." Tonks sighed, knowing she should begin sorting through the pile of paperwork stacked haphazardly on her desk several cubicles over. She turned to leave, knocking over the newly replaced bowl of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "Sorry," she apologized to Kingsley, and to Lupin she said "Every time I walk by them, I manage to knock them over. You know, Kingsley, maybe you should put a lid on these." She bent down to clean up her mess for the second time.

"Why don't you try a cleaning charm?" Lupin suggested.

"Good idea!" Tonks pulled out her wand, pointed it at the beans, and muttered a curse. Several beans rolled over. "Damn. This is rather difficult angle, you know."

"Allow me," Lupin squatted beside her and with a swish of his wand all the beans were in back in their bowl.

"Nice," she stated, impressed by his cleaning ability. She turned to leave again, this time conscious of the bowl of candies.

"Come back, Tonks, this is just the man I wanted you to meet." Kingsley was gesturing her to return to his cubicle. He lowered his voice as soon as she reentered. "He's here from the Order."

Suddenly Lupin looked wary. "Dumbledore didn't tell me you'd recruited anybody."

"That's because I was just in the process of recruiting her when you barged in. I assume the note about the headquarters is in that folder?"

Lupin nodded.

"Why don't you let Tonks use that note? She can go with you now. Later, she can bring the note, or another, back to me." He turned to Tonks. "Am I right in assuming you have nothing more pressing to do with your afternoon, but to take a walk to the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix?"

She certainly had a hundred other things should be doing, but nothing she'd rather be doing, so she agreed. "Nothing more pressing."

"We can Apparate most of the way there, but we'll have to walk the final bit, so you might want to change into some muggle clothes."

"I have some in my cubicle. It'll be just a minute."

Hurrying back to her space, she considered what to wear. Deciding, she pulled on a pair of blue jean shorts and a pink 'Witch' tee-shirt she'd bought from a muggle shop in London carefully under her robes, then pulled the robes off over her head. Not wanting to keep Lupin

* * *

"So sorry about that. I tried to be quick." Tonks nearly knocked him over as she walked out of her cubicle. She seemed surprised to she him there, as if she had temporarily forgotten their previous talk.

Lupin couldn't help but think that woman in front of him was more full of life than he'd ever been. She carried herself with an energetic, unrestrained buoyancy. Just being around her made him feel younger.

She had changed into muggle clothes, and he thought they suited her much better than her thick, dark Auror robes. She looked more... alive, if that was possible. As he glanced down at her long, well-toned legs, revealed almost fully by a pair of muggle shorts, his pulse leapt. The quickened hum of his blood confused him at first. He hadn't felt it in quite some time.

He shook his head to clear it. Of course, she looked young and acted young; she was only half his age. He felt like a perverted old man for noticing her legs.

"Where to, mate?" Tonks asked, drawing his thoughts back to the task at hand. He explained the Apparition destination, and, luckily, she already knew where she was going.

"Last one there is a mangy werewolf!" she cried, before disappearing from his side with a loud _pop_.

A few seconds later he Apparated beside her, saying, "Guess I'm a werewolf then."

"You most definitely are," she giggled and bared her teeth as if to bite him.

He moved away, frowning and wondering what she would think if she knew he really was a werewolf. His distress must have been obvious because she quickly teased, "What's wrong? You aren't really afraid of werewolves are you?" Tonks interpreted his startled glance as a yes, continuing, "From what I know, they're quite like normal people! As a matter of fact, you probably couldn't even recognize one in passing."

"On the contrary, I bet I could," he countered, beginning to smile, relieved by her defense of werewolves. She would probably be mortified when she eventually found out he _was _a werewolf, but at least she wouldn't be frightened of him. Not that she shouldn't be.

"I did some advanced studies on dark creatures, werewolves in particular actually," he told her casually. "Though they seem quite 'normal,'as you said, on the full moon they are probably some of the most dangerous creatures in existence." He meant it as a warning.

"You sound so ominous." Tonks smiled accusingly at him, and he couldn't help but smile back. Her humor was contagious.

As they walked, he noticed the way her black hair whipped in the wind for she was continually brushing it out of her eyes. Silky strands occasionally caught on him as well, and they smelled like chocolate. She smelled like chocolate, warm and rich. But that was ridiculous. Remus, even with his acute sense of smell, had never found anyone to smell like chocolate before.

Suddenly, she stopped. "Merlin this hair is going to strangle us both before we even walk a block. Hold on a second." Her face scrunched up in concentration and her hair suddenly transformed from long, silky black to short, spikey orange.

He blinked.

"How does it look? Better?" Lupin simply stared at her, and she blushed. "That bad, huh?"

"No, it's fine, cute really. You're a Metamorphmagus!"

Running her fingers through her shorn hair, she sighed, "Cute? That wasn't what I was going for; I wanted more of an edgy-in-an-attractive-way." She sounded quite put out. " But it's just cute?"

Remus laughed and conceded, "It's an edgy cute, I guess." He wondered if she was going to answer his question.

They walked on for awhile before Tonks said, "Yes, I'm a Metamorphmagus. How else do you think I'd have passed the tests for becoming an Auror? You saw how clumsy I am. It's much worse when I'm nervous, too."

"You're pretty good at controlling your changes. I understand that's a difficult thing to do."

She nodded in agreement, "It took a lot of practice, but I managed to learn how. Still, when I'm really upset about something, there can be... problems. Like, when I was in second year, I didn't make it onto my house quidditch team. My hair turned grey for a week. It was awful!"

Lupin's hand's flew self-consciously to his own greying hair. When he saw her watching him, he blushed.

"You look good with grey hair, very dignified." She smiled, "But I was _twelve_!"

Tonk's eyes sparkled and her hair was so bright it almost stung to look at. He found it very hard to imagine her grey. He realized he was staring when her lips twitched uncomfortably, drawing his attention, pink, full and pouting. She's too young for you, he thought and couldn't help himself from saying, "That was, what, three years ago?"

Her brows came together, her expression stung, and he immediately regretted his comment.

"I'm sorry. That was rude. You just seem very young to an old man like me."

"You're not old, anyone younger than my mother isn't old." she laughed, still looking a bit hurt. "Dumbledore, now he's old."

Remus didn't want to argue with her and the truth was, around her, he didn't really feel old. But that didn't change the fact that he could have been her father. Or the fact that he was a werewolf. Or the fact that he couldn't afford a relationship. A relationship? What was he thinking?

He realized they were approaching Grimmauld Place,

* * *

Tonks frowned. She saw Number Eleven and Number Thirteen, but she did not see Number Twelve. Maybe Lupin was testing her. He certainly wasn't making a joke. Smiling patiently, he gestured for her to move forward into the nonexistent house.

"The place is miserable looking, I know, but, for the time being, it's the best we can find."

It occurred to her that the headquarters might be magically hidden, but she thought Lupin would have told her. "Am I missing something?"

"What do you– oh, of course!" Lupin flushed pink with embarrassment. "I forgot." He took a small, folded note out of the manilla folder he was carrying and pressed it into her hand. A shiver shot through her as their fingers brushed. The heavily scarred backs of his hands fascinated her. They were so... authentic.

She read the note he'd handed her.

_The Headquaters of the Order of the Phoenix is at Number Twelve Gimmauld Place._

The instant she looked up from the paper, Number Twelve pushed its way in between Numbers Eleven and Thirteen. Indeed, the outside of the Headquarters was that of a derelict flat, the last place anyone would expect to find a league of extraordinary wizards planning to save the world. Lupin led her into the house.

The inside was in no better condition than the outside , possibly worse. The grotesque decorations reminded her of something one might find in Borgin and Burkes. She wondered to whom the house belonged. "Did a dark–" Her toe connected hard with something in front of her and there was a resounding _crash, _as the object toppled over.

She heard an amused "Oh for Merlin's sake!"from Lupin before the entire house filled with shrieks.

Tonks realized the hall was lined in portraits, one of which was screeching insults at the top of her lungs. "NASTY, FILTHY BEAST DARES TO ENTER THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS! BRINGING WITH HIM THAT ABOMINABLE HALFBLOOD BRAT! GET OUT BOTH OF YOU!" Rather taken aback at the portrait's hostility, Tonks paused a second before moving to help Lupin close the curtains. After several minutes of struggling, the portrait was shut and both wizards were out of breath.

"As hard as it may be, you're going to have to try not to make any loud noises in this hallway if you want to avoid hearing from her again," chided Lupin, but she saw he was smiling.

Tonks let out a soft laugh. "Sorry." She bent down to pick up the umbrella stand she'd knocked over, thinking about the woman in the portrait. "I'd hate to see what she'd have been like in person."

"Very unpleasant." Lupin informed her. She wondered how he knew the woman.

"Are you insulting my mother?" A shadowy figure stood, leaning on a doorframe, to their left. Perhaps it was simply the effect of his deep voice and the shadows that engulfed him, but he appeared very sinister, so much so that Tonks was surprised when Lupin answered him unhesitatingly.

"Not purposefully, but I suppose that was the end result."

"Then, by all means, continue, but at least allow me to join in." Both men laughed and embraced familiarly.

Leading them through the door and down into an unsurprisingly filthy kitchen, the new man asked, "Who's this you've brought with you?"

"Nympha– "

"My name is Tonks, just Tonks," she interrupted Lupin, glaring at him and shaking the man's hand. "Who're– " But as soon as she got a good look at his face, she dropped his hand and drew her wand.

"Give me one good reason not to put you back into Azkaban."

Lupin grabbed her wand arm firmly, attempting to lower it, and Sirius Black said brightly, "Because you've always wanted to spend some quality time with your convict cousin."

"Sirius is innocent of all charges held against him. Dumbledore, and subsequently the Order, trust him completely. Also, he has been generous enough to allow us the use of his house."

Tonks looked from Remus to Sirius and then back to Remus, deciding to give them the benefit of the doubt, as several pieces fell into place in her mind. "So that's why Kingsley insisted on taking Black's case from Dawlish."

"Yes, we thought it best to have someone from the order on his tail." The men exchanged smiles, obviously sharing a private joke. Then, Lupin continued, "Having members inside the Ministry is quite necessary which is one of the reasons I am so glad Shacklebolt recruited you."

"Well, I'm glad for the company. I've been anxious to meet you, Tonks. Andromeda and I were quite close at one time." Sirius added.

"She always said you'd have been welcome to come stay with us, after you had that row with your mum."

"Yeah, and I appreciated her numerous offers, but I was a teenager and much happier with my friends." Tonks thought the smile he sent Lupin made him look roguishly sexy, but he frowned suddenly, ruining the effect.

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days, Moony, how have you been?" Concern etched lines in his face and he moved closer to Lupin, observing him intently.

Lupin did not flinch under the intense gaze. Instead, he forced a tired smile and replied, "I'm fine, really."

Black continued to regard him. "I was worried about you. I wish I could be there with you when–" he broke off.

Tonks suddenly felt she was intruding on something very intimate. She considered teasing Black for his sudden change in manner, but thought the better of it. Moving silently toward the door to make her exit, she couldn't help feeling terribly disappointed. Her fingers closed around the knob and she pushed. Nothing happened. Behind her, she heard Lupin say quietly, "It's too dangerous. You have to stay here. I don't want you to go back to Azkaban on my account." She pushed again throwing all her weight against the door. Still nothing happened.

"Here, allow me." Lupin brushed up against her back, feeling deliciously warm and strong. The door moved for him immediately. She thought it a pity that such heady masculinity was lost to females and wasted on her playboy cousin.

* * *

Author's Notes: Poor Tonks, falling in love with a gay guy. It happens to the best of us. Review, por favor, review!

Review Responses: **zan189**, **Kwala**, **lupin-lover72**, and **Sweetdeath04**- Thanks for the encouragement. **Siriusly Sirius Lily Black**- I'm trying to keep the characters IC, but after that first chapter I doubt there will be too much plot that JKR would actually write or agree with, as you can hopefully see where this fic is going. **bri007**- I'm glad you liked it and I agree the 'too old, too poor, too dangerous' stuff is a bit annoying and over done, but that's how jkr said he feels. I am going to try really hard to pull it off convincingly. **Alli-Baby**- you owe me two sugars and a creme (and hopefully something to put them in). **homeric- **You're right! JKR did write tons of angst into their relationship. Thanks for reminding me. **okami kaze**- Thank you and don't cry. It'll be happy from now on... sort of... actually, nope, not at all.


	2. Spying and Tea Time

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: Spying and Tea Time  
Chapter Summary: Sirius talks with Lupin over tea. Lupin talks with Tonks over tea. Tonks talks with Molly over tea.  
Dedication: This chapter (especially this first bit)is dedicated to Best Friend Becky for introducing me to the beautiful world of the Sirius/Remus ship.

* * *

**Really Important Author's Notes: **

We need to clear something up right away. Remus is _not_ gay in this story, not with Sirius, not with anyone. Tonks simply _assumes_ he is, like oh so many fans. I tried to make that clear in the last chapter, but apparently I failed.

This story is going to be fourteen chapters, including the prologue, and have follow-up oneshot. I will post faithfully, once a week on Friday. That said, this next chapter might not be posted for two weeks (but under no circumstances more than two weeks) as I am going out of town. We'll see.

I am looking for a good beta, preferably one with AIM. Please e-mail me if you are interested. Both my AIM screen name and my e-mail address are in my profile. Again, I'm going out of town so I probably wont get back to you for several days.

* * *

Take for example this:

if to the colour of midnight  
to a more than darkness(which  
is myself and Paris and all  
things)the bright  
rain  
occurs deeply, beautifully

and i(being at a window  
in this midnight)  
for no reason feel  
deeply completely conscious of the rain or rather  
Somebody who uses roofs and streets skillfully to make a  
possible and beautiful sound:

if a(perhaps)clock strikes, in the alive  
coolness, very faintly and  
finally through altogether delicate gestures of rain

a colour comes, which is morning, O do not wonder that

(just at the edge of day)i surely  
make a millionth poem which will not wholly  
miss you; or if I certainly create, lady,  
one of the thousand selves who are your smile  
-e.e. cummings

* * *

Early August 1995

Kitchen of Number 12 Grimmuald Place

Remus sipped his tea thoughtfully, regarding Sirius as the latter took a swig of firewhiskey directly from the bottle, flinching slightly as it went down.

"Want some?" he asked, offering the bottle to Remus. Sometimes, they could pretend that they were young, without the threat of Voldemort looming, that Peter and James were close-by, that they were still 'the Marauders,' daring boys with the world at their feet.

Remus shook his head.

"Good job with that clock today! I was getting tired of it's bolts poking holes in my trousers. So was Ron, I think." Sirius said, chuckling.

"Harry told me as much." Harry had confided to him, while helping him repair the clock, that Ron continued to forget where the clock was placed consequently walking past it so often he only had one pair of trousers without holes left to wear.

"He's so much like James."

"And so different." Lupin added. He was worried about Sirius and his attitude toward Harry. Whatever he told his friend, he thought Molly might be right. Sirius did try to pretend Harry was James, and that pretending did both men a disservice.

The two stared at each other for a long time, Lupin's hand still, on his teacup. "I'm glad to have you back." And it was true.

"Hell, Moony, if you keep it up I'll start crying." Sirius' words were disparaging but Lupin knew, as only a best friend could, that he had appreciated the comment and felt the same.

"Cue the violins." Lupin said dryly.

"Right. Well, I think I'll head off to bed," Sirius inclined his head toward the door to the stairs.

"I'll just finish my tea and be right up."

* * *

The Extendable Ear slipped from Tonks' hand and hit the floor with a dull thud. Exiting the room, Sirius almost ran into her.

"Tonks! I didn't hear you come in. I was just about to go to bed."

Tonks gawked at him, mortified at being caught attempting to overhear their conversation. Molly had greeted her at the door a few minutes before when she had returned to Headquarters after being on duty most of the evening eager for company. The older woman had sent her into the kitchen, telling her Lupin and Black were sharing a nightcap. Desperately anxious to confirm their relationship, she had jumped at the chance to listen in on their conversation. Though she had seen much of the two men at the headquarters over the last month, they had neither said nor done anything to make her more or less certain that they were lovers. Until tonight. Their dialogue had made it quite clear that there was something intimate between them.

"D-don't let me stop you from getting your beauty sleep," she stammered, hoping he wouldn't notice the piece of flesh-colored string at her feet.

"Like you could." He smirked. When he continued to observe her she forced a saucy grin. "The pink hair is nice. Leave it that way." With that, he turned to go up the stairs.

"Thanks! Goodnight!" she called at his retreating back.

"Quietly, Tonks, the children are asleep." Lupin murmured from his seat at the table. Tonks entered the kitchen and sat down across from him.

"Like hell they are. The twins are probably planning their next invention. Hermione and Ginny are probably chatting about boys, quite possible Harry and Ron." She raised an eyebrow at Remus questioning if he too had picked up the teenage romance erupting around them. He only laughed. "And Harry and Ron are probably talking quidditch or playing exploding snap."

"I haven't heard any explosions and I don't smell anything foul so I'd bet the four boys are asleep. However, you may be right about the girls. They do get quite chatty and giggly, especially with you around." Tonks got the feeling he was making another crack at her age. He very often grouped her with Ginny and Hermione as opposed to with the members of the Order.

The truth was she _did _enjoy spending time with the younger girls, but when they talked of things such as love and death, Tonks felt very old in comparison. However, spending time with Molly, made her feel extremely naive.

As she watched Lupin watch her across the table, she found herself hoping that perhaps this man was the friend she craved, the friend who could meet her where she was at.

"Nymphadora." He spoke her name softly, coaxingly, in a way that made it sound elegant and sensuous.

"Tonks," she corrected reflexively, trying to sound irritated. "How many times do I have to tell you? Please don't call me that. I don't like the way it sounds." Except when you say it, she added silently, praying he would never find out.

He was observing her with concentration, and she felt skittish. She drummed her fingers on the table. Her nervous movements must have amused him because he smiled. Her stomach flipped over and she smiled back.

Sighing, he took another sip of his tea, then set it down quickly, and rose. "How rude of me. Would you like some tea?"

"Certainly." She felt a need to draw out the evening, long enough at least for her to truthfully be able to call Lupin a friend. He busied himself readying her tea, his movements smooth and unhurried.

"Cream or sugar?"

"Neither, thanks."

"Really? I didn't think you were much of a tea drinker to start with."

Taking the tea he handed her, she murmured, "I'm not really, my mum put me off it when I was small."

"She didn't let you have tea?" he asked incredulously.

Tonks laughed, spilling tea down her front. As Lupin muttered a cleaning spell she explained, "No, quite the opposite. She was always throwing me tea parties. And taking me to real ones."

"It doesn't take a genius to realize you weren't at all interested in sitting around in a pretty dress and sipping tea when you could have been off hexing gnomes and getting unbelievably dirty."

"My mother wasn't a dumb woman. She let me be run wild... most of the time, but she was hopeful that I might one day become the angel she thought she deserved."At his chuckle of disbelief, she sipped her tea as daintily as she could muster, and said in a defiantly sweet tone, "I could become that girl yet."

"Oh please don't," said Lupin quickly.

"And why not?"

"Then you'd have to change your hair."

A hand flew to her pink spikes self-consciously. "You like the color, then?" She hated herself for saying it, but she was hungry for his approval.

He nodded. "It's an alert. When I see that bright pink color, I know to put myself on the lookout for a disaster." He laughed, softening his words, and she joined, but couldn't help feeling as if he'd slapped her.

* * *

He felt terrible the moment it was out of his mouth. He was only joking, but the stung look on her face told him she had wanted a serious answer. "The color matches you. You're both boisterously alive."

She blushed deeply, but didn't look away from him. "I'll take that as a compliment." His eyes fell on her lips. Several shades lighter than her hair, they matched her pinkened cheeks. She smelled of chocolate, just as she had on the first day he'd met her and every day since. Before he had a chance to imagine what her lips could do to him, she spoke again, rising, his teacup in her hand.

"More tea?"

"Alright. With two spoonfuls of sugar." He liked tea and her company, so he supposed he could stay up a bit later despite the fact that he was covering the next night shift at the Ministry.

Pouring steaming tea into his cup, she raised an eyebrow. "Sugar?" The way she said it made him feel like his manhood was in question rather than his tea preferences.

"You would be surprised what just the right amount of sweet can do to tea," he explained, trying to sound elucidative rather than defensive. "Perhaps if you tried it, you might find yourself liking tea after all."

"You're beginning to remind me of my mother, using my first name, and now trying to convince me to like tea. Remember, Remus, my mother's old." He wondered briefly if she was trying to remind him of his age, but realized she herself had probably forgotten when she continued. "And I know you aren't ready to be _old_ yet."

"Not yet," he conceded. They sat in a companionable silence, sipping tea for some time.

Suddenly Tonks began to fumble through her robes, muttering, "I know I put one in here... somewhere..."

"Is there something you need?" he asked, puzzled by her search.

"Aha," she exclaimed pulling out something slightly crumpled and shiny from her pocket, "Chocolate!" She pulled back the wrapping to reveal a slightly smooshed chocolate bar and offered him a piece. "I always try to carry some with me. You never know when you'll need it."

Remus carefully broke a large chunk off the end of the a bar, thanking her before eating it. He loved chocolate and closed his eyes, savoring its richness on his tongue. He, too, often carried it on his person.

Reopening his eyes, he watched as she broke a piece off for herself and began to nibble on it. When she had finished, she held out her hands scowling. "I'm such a mess. Teach me to not eat melting chocolate without holding on by the wrapping." She began to lick the chocolate off her fingertips. He wondered if she knew how tempting of a picture she made, her pink tongue darting out lap the chocolate from her skin. When she finished she rubbed her fingers together testing their stickiness. He assumed, from her furrowed brow, that she found them lacking

"You could wash them."

She laughed as though the thought had not occurred to her. "That's too easy." She continued to contemplate her outstretched hands with disgust.

Across the table, Remus pulled out his wand and murmured, "_Scourgify!_"

Tonks flexed her fingers, checking his work, then held them out for him to inspect. "Very nice, even cleaned the dirt from underneath my nails, see?"

He took her hands into his own carefully observing the newly spotless fingernails. Her palms weren't soft, the pads were probably more callused than his own, but the backs of her hands were smooth and feminine. He smiled up at her, his thumbs absentmindedly tracing the protruding veins below her knuckles.

"How is being an Auror these days?"

"I work in the Ministry, so what do you think?"

"That you could use a break," he replied dryly.

She chuckled in obvious agreement, and he realized he was still holding her hands. It was comforting just to touch another person and Remus found himself reluctant to release her, let alone leave the room and go to bed. He had a long day ahead of him, and knew it was time.

Untangling their fingers, he rose. "I should be off to sleep."

"Yes," she agreed quickly, her newly freed hands flying immediately to her teacup.

* * *

Molly didn't even have to strain her ears; she could hear their conversation perfectly. Grudgingly she admitted to herself that her twins were geniuses, albeit trouble-making geniuses. Unable to sleep, she had come downstairs for some warm milk. Also, she thought it probable that Tonks had missed dinner, and would perhaps appreciate Molly whipping her up something. Upon approaching the cracked door, she'd heard voices and scooted closer to catch the words, tripping on what appeared at first to be flesh-colored string. Closer inspection revealed the offending object to be one of Fred and George's Extendable Ears.

She'd always denied having donated any of her children's trouble-making genes, but only superficially. Curiosity, as well as affectionate concern for those she loved, often got the better of her cautionary instincts leaving her to scramble out of many tight situations. It had always been that way. And so, without even a prick of conscience, she picked up the Extendable Ears and put them to use eavesdropping on Remus and Tonks' late night chat. Before now, she hadn't been aware they were so... friendly.

"It was nice talking with you. I enjoyed the chocolate." She heard the scrape of a chair and assumed Remus was rising.

Humor rang in Tonks voice when she replied, "I could tell."

"I'm exhausted."

"Yes, you must have told Sirius you were going to bed over an hour ago."

"Indeed."

Another scraping chair, this one much louder and clumsy sounding. Tonks must have risen as well.

"You haven't finished your tea." She sounded pleading.

"If I had, I wouldn't ever be able to get to sleep."

Tonks giggled.

"Well, goodnight Nymphadora." His words suddenly sounded awkward and formal, quite a change considering his surprisingly relaxed tone from only seconds before.

"Sleep well, Remus." Tonks spoke so softly Molly had to strain her ears for the first time. She sounded wistful.

Remus exited the room gracefully and Molly lodged herself against the wall, hoping he wouldn't notice. He brushed past without glancing at her, but as he began his ascent up the stairs she heard him say, "Goodnight Molly." She started, taken aback by his cool acceptance of her presence at the door.

When Molly entered the kitchen, she found Tonks standing still, leaning on her chair, and staring at the two teacups resting on the table with such determination she thought perhaps the young witch was willing them to clean themselves.

"Have a nice tea?" she inquired, though she already knew the answer. Tonks jumped wildly, knocking over the chair in front her and causing such a racket Molly expected the whole house to be awake and in the kitchen within seconds to investigate.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Tonks asked, righting the chair and slipping into it. "I thought you went to sleep right after I came in."

Molly walked over to the counter and pulled out the milk, putting it back quickly and deciding she'd rather have tea. "I couldn't fall asleep. Are you hungry?"She looked over her shoulder at Tonks questioningly.

"Mmmm... no."

Molly caught sight of a shiny wrapping on the table. "Don't tell me all you've had for dinner was a chocolate bar."

"Chocolate bars are delicious _and_ filling." said Tonks defensively, though Molly thought, because of the way she sat straighter in her chair and glance hopefully at the cupboards, that Tonks might actually be hungry for something more substantial.

Saving the young woman's pride, she said, "Well, I'm going to heat up a bit of soup and I insist you have some.

Minutes later, with a cup of tea in front of her, Molly sat across from Tonks. Deciding to test the waters, she said, "Remus is a kind man."

Tonks nodded, but did not reply, instead spooning more steaming soup into her mouth.

She tried again. "I'm glad you've made friends with him."

"Me too." Tonks blushed tellingly as she returned to her soup.

Perhaps there _was_ something between them. Anxious to dig deeper, Molly stated, "He's very lonely."

Dropping her spoon, Tonks said quickly, "He's got Sirius, hasn't he?"

Molly shook her head. "That man is too wrapped up in his own immature drama to take care of Remus' needs. Lupin deserves someone who'll pay attention to _him _because they care and not because they want something in return."

Tonks did not reply, but stared at the bottom of her soup bowl, clearly deep in thought.

"You could be that person." Molly proposed hopefully. Maybe she was pushing a bit much, but she'd found that many people needed a shove in the right direction before they found happiness.

When Tonks continued to remain uncharacteristically silent, Molly said suggestively, "He's still quite handsome."

Finally, she got a rise out of the younger woman. "Molly, I realize that, believe me, but I'm just not his type."

* * *

Author's Note: That chapter, like this entire story, was full of pointless fluff. So umm.. I hope you like that junk. The next chapter will be better. I promise. Reviews motivate me to write good stuff. Without reviews, the words just stick inside me. So please review, if only to save me from writers block.

Reviewer Responses:

**Alli-Baby**- Thanks. The rest of this fic will lead up to that final scene which is the prologue.

**bri007-** I was worried the last line of that chapter didn't zing as much as I intended, so thank you for the compliment. It reassured me.

**emmilou87**- Your review was great. I'm really glad you think Remus is gorgeous... his character, in this story, is dedicated to my Little Sister Lauren because he's her favorite.

**Roseylynn**- I hope I have made it clearer in this chapter that Remus is interested in women, or in a particular woman and not in Sirius Black. Thanks for the review, I needed that kind of feedback.

**okami kaze**- All I have to say to you is: you drew me a kitty cat in your review. I'm naming it Ann and keeping it always.

**Siriusly Sirius Lily Black**- Goodness gracious, I'm blushing.

**tomato-can- **Thank you so much for reviewing both chapters:)

**angledust-893**- You've already read the end of this story (the prologue). So, no, Tonks and Remus do not _end _up together in my story. You'll have to go read HBP if you want that story. But I can promise that they will be together in the last chapter I post as well as in the follow-up one-shot(which takes place _years_ later).

**DeD kAkE- **Messy love triangles are the best. Like, for example, my favorite, Harry, Hermione, Ron... or even better Harry, Ron, Draco... or perhaps Fred, Harry, George... Ginny, Hermione, Harry... oh the possibilities...

**homeric- **I am glad you enjoy Sirius' involvement. It only gets better.

**FLUFF MASTER**- There's hugging in the next chapter, I promise.

**Valkyrie228- **I'm very proud. Thank you.


	3. The Woes of Remus Lupin

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine. (In this chapter, Sirius' first spoken line is directly from OotP ch9, as is Lupin's line that follows.)  
Chapter Title: The Woes of Remus Lupin  
Chapter Summary: Tonks and Remus converse (and possibly more) after he disposes of the boggart in the drawing room for Mrs. Weasley.  
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my boyfriend who, in the last three days, did a number of amazing things _for me _(or so he claims): beat three levels on Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War, scored a touchdown playing ball with his friends, and (most importantly) stubbed his toe. (He's so thoughtful... Doing all those things _for me_...) In return, I promised I'd dedicate my next chapter of fanfiction(which he hates) to him.  
Warning: I like feet. There is a foot in this chapter, so if that bothers you, beware. It'll be clean (as in freshly washed) and won't do anything kinky(EWWWWWWWW), but I know the mention feet in a sensual way grosses some people out, so I thought I'd put in a warning. Also, I just like to write author's notes.

* * *

Author's Note: Still no beta. Please help me! You're going to have to continue to endure the countless punctuation errors until you email me...

* * *

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond  
any experience,your eyes have their silence:  
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,  
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

you slightest look easily will unclose me  
though i have closed myself as fingers,  
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens  
(touching skillfully, mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and  
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,  
as when the heart of this flower imagines  
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals  
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture  
compels me with the colour of its countries,  
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes  
and opens;only something in me understands  
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)  
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands  
-e.e. cummings

* * *

Late August 1995

Drawing Room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place

Sirius couldn't catch his breath. The corpse of the black-haired boy lying prostrate still shone freshly in his mind. As he stared at the floor where the boggart had lain, he told himself firmly that Harry wasn't dead. He closed his eyes. Another, very similar black-haired lifeless form flashed before him. Harry wasn't dead, but James was. Dimly, he heard Remus consoling a sobbing Molly. He wondered how his friend could be so calm after seeing Harry... but then Remus hadn't _seen_ James after... With a strength of mind he'd learned in Azkaban, Sirius pushed away the images of his best friend's murdered body, and attempted to focus instead on Molly, who was blubbering hopelessly about Percy.

Lupin answered her firmly, but Sirius didn't pay attention; he was thinking about Percy. The boy had run away from home because he had disagreed with his parent's choice in friends. That much they had in common. However, the very person of which Percy disapproved was the same person to which Sirius had clung: Dumbledore. But Percy was a smart, young man, pompous, but smart, and surely, when Voldemort chose to be visible again, he'd realize Dumbledore was in the right, and he'd return home. Sirius realized the group had elapsed into silence.

"Don't worry about Percy. He'll come round. It's a mater of times before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does the whole Ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology." The words came rushing harshly out of him, but he meant them.

"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died, what do you think we'd do, let them starve?" Lupin's dry sarcasm seemed to cheer Molly up a bit and she smiled, muttering to herself.

"Wotcher, Harry!" Tonks walked into the room, scanning the faces of all present, finally focusing on Molly, who's face was still tear stained.

"Molly! What's wrong!" She rushed across the room to the older woman.

"OUCH!" Remus jumped, clutching his left foot.

Tonks whirled around almost knocking over the already off-balance man. "Did I step on your foot?"

Despite, or perhaps because of, his pain, Lupin was able to reply through gritted teeth. "Is it that obvious?"

"I'm so sorry." And Sirius thought she looked genuinely distressed for Lupin and his throbbing toes. Sirius liked his cousin as her humor and sense of adventure were very similar to his own, however, he had to admit, her propensity for clumsiness was certainly a drawback of spending time in her company.

Molly and Tonks both huddled over Remus trying to heal his foot. Gently asking them to step aside, he gingerly set his injured foot back on the floor and assured them he'd live, even without their coddling

A movement caught his eye and Sirius saw his godson depart the room quietly while the attention was elsewhere, though he was certain Moody's eye followed Harry all the way up to bed.

Harry was leaving tomorrow. The realization hit along with a wave of depression.

"Goodnight," he muttered, though nobody heard, and then he slipped out of the room unnoticed, except by Moody, who followed him, grunting.

* * *

"Remus, are you sure you're okay? I know a wonderful charm that reduces swelling," Molly seemed very reluctant let Lupin be, as if tending to him would distract her, and Tonks wondered what had upset the older woman. She had run up the stairs behind Lupin and Moody, but she'd tripped. She arrived at the door of the room in time to see Lupin banish a silver orb before turning to comfort the already sobbing Molly. Not wanting to interrupt, she'd waited until Molly was smiling again to make her presence known.

"I'm fine, Molly," Lupin assured her. In the hall, the grandfather clock chimed.

"Goodness gracious, it's getting late. I do hope Ginny is on her way to bed." She paused, obviously listening to the shouts of laughter drifting up through the open door. "I think I still hear her. I'd better go down there after all. Arthur won't have the heart to send them to bed when they're having such a marvelous time. Well, goodnight, you two. I don't want you staying up too late either." She winked at Tonks.

Lupin reached out to squeeze her shoulder, but stopped, wincing.

"Ooo, Remus..." Molly looked from Lupin to the door, and then back to Lupin, apparently torn between wanting to fix his foot and wanting to make certain her children went to bed.

Though she was doubtful that the younger Weasleys would go to bed without a fight, or that they would sleep once they went, she could tell Molly wanted to see them. And besides, Tonks wouldn't mind some time alone with Lupin. "I can help him."

Lupin's "I'm fine!" was ignored by both women, as Molly contemplated Tonks doubtfully.

"I know what your thinking, Molly. But I'm an Auror! I'm _trained_ to take care of minor injuries. Don't worry." When she'd finished ushering Molly out of the door, she turned back to Lupin who had sat down on a cobweb covered couch and was untying his left sneaker.

"It's alright," he said, as she approached him tentatively, "I swear it doesn't stink."

She grinned. "All feet stink." Squatting in front of him she picked up his now bare foot. The top of his foot was dusted in corse sandy hairs, and his slightly yellowed nails were clipped short, giving them a manicured look. However, his first two toes were slightly swollen and beginning to bruise. Pulling out her wand, she directed a spell at the injury and the toes returned to normal.

"Good as new!" she exclaimed and playfully ran her finger under his arch before tickling his toes. He squealed and pulled his foot out of her grasp.

Heaving herself up off the floor, she said, "A thank you?"

"Not after that dirty trick. You took advantage of my weakened state." But he smiling, and she smiled back, sitting down next to him.

"You had to be wearing boots, didn't you?"

"It could have been worse," Tonks replied defensively.

"How's that?" Lupin studied her skeptically, waiting for an answer.

"I could have been in spike heels."

Lupin looked her up and down slowly, then erupted into laughter.

"What?" The thought of his foot being punctured by a painfully sharp point was funny, but not _that_ funny.

When his mirth subsided, he said, "That would have been better for me and worse for you."

"Why do you say that?" Tonks suddenly felt wary.

"You'd have been on your behind before you were even half-way up the stairs," he said matter-of- factly.

She couldn't deny the truth of his words, so instead she changed the subject. "What happened?"

She thought he was going to pretend not to understand for he turned away from her slightly, but he said, "Molly just had a bit of trouble with the boggart, that's all."

Tonks nodded. She had suspected as much, but she had a hard time believing that Molly, Mother-Of-The-Twins Molly, would have trouble with something as mundane as a boggart. She was intensely curious as to the form the older woman's boggart took, but didn't think Lupin would tell her, out of respect. So she was surprised when Lupin continued.

"I can't really blame her because her worst fear is threatening to come true, though don't tell her I said so." He paused and turned back to face her. His voice was soft and solemn when he spoke again and she had to scoot closer to hear him. "The boggart became the corpse of each member of her family in turn."

* * *

Tonks gasped. "How awful. Does she think that...?"

Remus swallowed, then nodded. Molly's boggart had unsettled him, though he'd forced himself to put up a calm front. He'd played the optimist, but suddenly he was overwhelmed with the futility of the situation, and he didn't want to pretend otherwise. "There are nine of them... the odds aren't in her favor."

"What odds? No one has died yet... well... except the Diggory boy and Bertha Jorkins." She amended her statement, "No one from the order has died yet, at least."

"Yes, they have." He could name more than twenty off the top of his head.

Tonks looked puzzled. "Who?"

"Molly's brothers, to start," Remus began, but Tonks cut him off.

"That was last time! This time it's going to be different! Everyone says so; Dumbledore says so." But she didn't sound confident. Her tone was desperate as if she was trying, not only to convince Remus, but also, to convince herself.

"I hope you're right."

"You don't sound hopeful." She spoke softly, and he realized she was now sitting close enough that their shoulders touched.

"I find it hard to believe that once Voldemort comes into the open things won't be exactly the same as they were before. He'll be able to gain back all his old supporters, and probably some new ones. To make things worsethis time we haven't even secured the Ministry's support. I have to believe that will change, but not soon enough."

Tonks was observing him wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "I mean, I know you're right. But... but... I haven't heard anyone speak this candidly about the circumstances."

The heat of her body was a comforting warmth, and he felt stronger, strong enough to continue this particularly painful conversation.

"Even we at the Order are trying to delude ourselves by thinking things aren't going to be bad. But they will be." He supposed people needed to cling to the hope that they could convince the rest of the wizarding world of Voldemort's return before he regained his army and came into the open, though they knew there was little chance of that happening. He supposed they needed to cling to the hope that his old supporters would not join him, though they knew from Harry's account of the graveyard meeting that many had already returned. He supposed they needed to cling to the hope that this was a war they could win, though they had been ravaged so badly the last time. He knew, from experience, that nobody wins wars.

"Bad like last time?" She didn't wait for a response. "I saw Moody's picture... More than half of those people died at the hand of Voldemort or his servants."

Remus, too had seen the photograph. He had enjoyed reminiscing about before, when those he loved most were alive, happy and whole, but at Tonks' words the picture took on new meaning.

When Remus didn't respond, she continued, "He told me about Gideon and Fabian. If I had to die, I'd want it to be like they died, like a hero."

Remus replied harshly, "You shouldn't want to die at all. You have your whole life ahead of you."

"You didn't die last time," she said accusingly. "Are you that much better off for it? With so many of your friends gone?"

He turned his head away, stunned at her audacity. She seemed to have surprised herself, as she said, "I didn't mean to be rude or to pry." Turning back to look at her, he saw she was genuinely distressed, looking pale and biting her lip.

"I'm sure you didn't." He smiled wryly, then looked down at the floor, losing himself in thought. In the years after James and Lily's death, he'd been completely on his own. He had often wondered if he wouldn't be better off dead. At least then he wouldn't be able to bite anyone. But now...

"For a some time, after the end of the last war, I was alone and I won't deny that I was miserable, that I wished I had died with those I loved or instead of them. But now, now that Sirius is out of Azkaban, now that the Order is needed again, now I am glad I did not die."

"I see." Her dark eyes met his, glistening with emotion, and she reached up to squeeze his shoulder, gently. She didn't remove her hand, but kept it there with slight, reassuring pressure. "And I'm glad you didn't die.

"I don't know if I'd have the strength to be a survivor. I don't know if I could live any sort of meaningful life without the people I love." He understood her words to mean that if she was offered the opportunity to sacrifice her life for the defeat of Voldemort, she wouldn't hesitate. He wasn't surprised, but he was angry and he didn't know exactly why. Perhaps dying suddenly seemed like a cowardly thing to him because the people that were left behind had to live with the consequences. But even the thought seemed traitorous; heros died. Perhaps he just didn't like the idea of Nymphadora dying.

"Of course you could live. You just have to remember that those people you loved, loved you back. They wanted your happiness. You just have to live for them."

* * *

His demeanor was fierce and he'd leaned in close enough for her to smell his musky breath. She squeezed his shoulder again, feeling he needed to know that she understood.

"That's why your alive, for your friends who've died, for Lily and James. You think they'd have wanted to finish what they started." At the mention of the Potters, Remus twisted away from her, his gaze falling to the floor.

She studied his silent profile, admiring the fall of his sandy waves and the greyness that tinged the hair near his temples, the pale corner of his wide mouth and the slight hollow of his smooth cheek. His face scrunched up as if tasting something unpleasant and his adam's apple bobbed.

"No. I wish I could say yes, but, truthfully, no, I don't live for them." She hadn't expected him to say anything at all, and so his confession surprised her. But she said nothing and moved her hand down onto his back to rub firm wide circles, letting him know she was listening.

"Right after they died, memories of them, and Sirius and Peter, fed my lonely imagination. But they also brought me down. I didn't want to live in a wold without them. I still don't. What truly kept me from wasting away was a hope, a vague unconscious hope, a hope that I never admitted, not even to myself, a hope that Sirius might, someday, be released and found not guilty." He buried his face in his hands and fell silent.

"And he was, by Dumbledore at least." Remus looked up again at her, tears making his eyes shine glassily. She gave him a tremulous smile, and continued moving her hand across his back. She desperately wanted to run her hand through his hair, to massage the back of his head, but she reminded herself that they were only friends and he was gay.

"He's so important to me, Nymphadora, we're the only ones left. We only have each other." His sentimentality almost threw her off balance, but she recovered, reminding herself that _his type_ were like this sometimes. "If he died..." Remus broke off and a single tear trickled down his cheek. "I'd be all alone," he paused. "Again."

Tonks used her thumb to wipe away his tear. She didn't want him to dwell on the unpleasant and improbable possibility that Sirius, housebound Sirius, might die, but she didn't feel he would respond kindly to her telling him of an unlikelihood. "Nonsense," she said, rising and pulling him up as well, "You'd still have me. We're friends."

He smiled sincerely, though the traces of sadness hadn't completely disappeared from his eyes, and pulled her into a tight hug. They were almost the same height and their cheeks brushed. "Thank you, Tonks," he murmured into her ear. A shiver of awareness zipped from that ear down her spine, and she scolded her unruly body. She was torn between pulling away (as she was about to give into the temptation of pressing wet kisses along his neck) and standing wrapped in his embrace forever, simply absorbing him.

After several minutes, he let go of her and stepped back, but not far. He grasped her chin and ran a padded thumb over her cheek. If she hadn't know better, she would have thought she saw his eyes flash down to her mouth. "I'd better get to bed," he murmured, huskily.

"Goodnight, then, Remus."

* * *

That night Tonks lay awake, contemplating the unfairness life had dealt Remus. She was glad he had Sirius, and despite the jealousy she felt towards him, she hoped he and Remus could live happily ever after. Remus deserved not only for his own life to be spared, but Sirius' as well.

Her cheeks and pillow were wet and salty long before she finally fell asleep.

* * *

Author's Notes: REVIEW AND I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. Every time I read the part with Remus' foot I get an uncontrollable urge to paint my toenails. (Right now they're red with sparkles, _so sexy_.) Ummmm, why are you still reading this, go review!

Reviewer Responses:

**FLUFF MASTER- **Manly men don't drink tea with sugar. Expect for all the men I love most, who, indeed, do drink tea with sugar. And are manly.

**lalla16- **Luckily for you, Little Sister Lauren harassed me so much over AIM I was afraid to wait another week to update. (Thanks, by the way.)

**bri007**- Yay! I'm glad you understand the whole gay hinting thing. Thanks for the reviews!

**Alli-Baby**- You're not the only one who missed the gay bit, which is why it was necessary for me to put that a/n at the beginning, so don't worry. Thanks. I like the chocolate bit too!

**Candi Tonks**- Nope, sorry, no special relationship between Sirius and Remus, though many many hints at it. Thanks!

**Jesus.Lives**- Love the pen-name. And I had serious doubts about some of Molly's lines in that chapter, so I see where your coming from, but the story needed her influence in just that way.

**homeric**- I love Molly being sly. It's like my favorite thing ever. And her using the twin's Extendable Ears. That's also my favorite thing.

**angledust-893- **THANKS, I WILL!

**Queequegg**- You're so kind... thanks. Fluffs so much fun to write and read and be...

**DeD kAkE**- I 3 your review. More please.

**okami kaze- **Mischievous Molly. It has a nice right to it.

Thanks all! Keep 'em coming. They encourage me to keep posting. For real.


	4. Puzzles

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: Puzzles  
Chapter Summary: Mr. Weasley, Sirius, and Tonks each put together the pieces of a puzzle.  
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Caitlin for encouraging me to come out with my fangirliness. Whether you were making fun of me or not, it was a fantastic idea. Ever since the day I put the link to my fanfiction page in my aim profile, my life has been filled with Harry Potter goodness. (It would have been dedicated to Brilliant Roommate Bridget except for she hasn't even reviewed ONE chapter. Come to think of it neither has Caitlin. Or Best Friend Becky. You're all fired.)

* * *

Author's Note: I almost didn't post this week. Thanks to **FLUFF MASTER** who harassed me into writing an _entire_ chapter last night, so I could, indeed, post today. What, you may ask (probably not, but hey, you might), kept me from writing this week? The answer is simple: http: Read the first chapter and I swear you wont get anything done this next week either. It's an addiction. An obsession.

* * *

here's to opening and upward,to leaf and to sap  
and to your(in my arms flowering so new)  
self whose eyes of the sound of rain

and here's to silent certainly mountains; and to  
a disappearing poet of always,snow  
and to morning ;and to morning's beautiful friend  
twilight(and a first dream called ocean)and

let must or if be damned with whomever's afraid  
down with ought with because with every brain  
which thinks it thinks,nor dares to feel(but up  
with joy;and up with laughing and drunkenness)

here's to one undiscoverable guess  
of whose mad skill each world of blood is made  
(whose fatal songs are moving in the moon  
–e.e. cummings

* * *

September 1995

Kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

"Oi! Hello Molly! Dinner smells wonderful." Tonks cried, as she strode into the kitchen, levitating a large cardboard box in front of her. The box banged the door frame, rattling its contents.

"Well, hello. We weren't expecting you tonight," said Molly, briefly looking up from the dishes busily scrubbing themselves in the sink. "We've already eaten."

"You were here just two nights ago and a couple nights before that. Don't you have your own family to bother?" Sirius quipped, not looking up from the crossword in front of him.

Molly silently agreed that Tonks had been spending an unnecessary amount of time at Grimmauld Place, always offering weak, unconvincing reasons for her presence. Two nights ago, she'd been 'in the area.' Doing what, she hadn't said. Before that she'd heard from 'someone' who'd heard from Kingsley who'd heard from Arthur that Molly was baking something delicious for dinner and she 'couldn't pass up the opportunity for sample more of Molly's savory cooking.' However, that morning Molly and Arthur had decided to order take out, so Tonk's story was utterly implausible. When they'd told Tonks this, she said she'd probably just 'confused the day.'

"You're right, I do. And they're sick of me. So they sent me to bother you. Anyway, you'remy family too." She let the box drop onto the table with a loud thud, again jarring the contents. Huffing with exasperation, she sat down across the table from Sirius, the box directly between them. "Better? Now you can't see me."

"Molly? Have you– " Arthur broke off upon entering the room. "Tonks!"

"Wotcher Arthur! You're just the man I wanted to see!"

Molly smiled, unbelieving. She had no doubts Tonks was here to see Remus Lupin. The younger woman might be convinced Remus wasn't interested in her, but that obviously didn't stop her eyes from lingering too long on his lips or from watching intently his hands as they played with his tea cup. According to Lupin, he and Tonks were becoming fast friends. This new friendship would, Molly allowed, explain the private smiles that flitted from Remus to Tonks, but it did not explain the blushes that frequently followed such smiles.

"Me?" Arthur asked, clearly taken aback. Perhaps he'd seen as much as Molly and assumed Tonks had come to see Remus, as well. She'd have to ask him later.

Tonks, stood up abruptly, and began to open the box on the table. "The other day you were asking how muggles entertain their children without magic..." Molly turned to glance at her husband, who's hungry eyes had fastened on Tonks' hands as she tore the cardboard away.

"Breathe, Arthur," Molly teased, Banishing the dishes back to their cupboards.

"What's an eight letter word- gnome's favorite food?" Sirius queried.

"Easy,"she said sitting down next to him, "Horklump. It's probably taken over my entire garden at home..." She missed her garden. She missed the Burrow.

"I don't understand. How are these bit of plactis supposed to keep a young person entertained. I mean, I could study them forever but..."

Tonks took the box off the table and sat it on one of the empty chairs. "I'll show you. Can I have that?" She took the piece he was holding, laid it on the floor, pulled another from the box, and connected it to the first.

"Ooo! Train tracks!" Arthur exclaimed, excitedly pulling more pieces from the box.

"Yep! And you can configure them in any way you'd like. They connect like pieces of a puzzle." Tonks rummaged through the box while he went back to connecting the pieces of track on the floor, bent over, his bottom in the air. Finally, Tonks produced a small engine and several cars which she connected to its rear. Setting them on his partially completed tracks, she flicked something on the bottom of the engine and the train began moving.

"Do they run on eckeltricity?"

"Yes, the engine has batteries."

"I collect batteries!"

"You've told me."

"Molly, the clue is 'drinks blood,' and vampire doesn't fit. It's only five letters, and the second letter is an 'a.' The puzzle's theme is Magical Beasts." Molly tore her eyes away from her husband and his newest best friend, Tonks, to look at Sirius.

"I want to say a Kappa... a Japanese water creature, Charlie was telling me about them one time... He said they'll leave you alone if you throw them a cucumber with your name on it which leads me to believe he might have been making the whole thing up."

"Sounds right to me." He jotted the word into the boxes.

The train reached the end of the tracks, and Tonks turned it off to begin helping Arthur lay more track.

"You know what would make this train much more exciting?" The gleam in Arthur's eyes made Molly nervous.

"Arthur," she warned, "you know you're not allowed to charm muggle artifacts." When he opened his mouth to protest, she continued, "No, not even for experimental purposes."

But her husband wasn't not listening anymore. He'd pulled out his wand and was brandishing it at the engine, muttering to himself.

"Alright. That should do it." He smiled, squatting down next to the engine and flicking the 'on' switch again. When the train began to move, he squatted down next to it. "Blow." A whistle

sounded.

Tonks laughed, delightedly. "Marvelous!"

Deciding she needed to pry Arthur away from his new toy while she still could, Molly said, "Honey, I'm tired. Let's go to bed."

"But..." He looked pleadingly at her and gestured to the train tracks sprawled out in front of him. Sometimes he was worse than the children.

"You can play some more tomorrow... but we have to talk tonight."

Sighing and pouting, he rose. "Thanks for bringing this over, Tonks!"

"No problem!" She was still laughing. "I certainly don't use it anymore."

As they exited the room, Molly murmured to Arthur, "Let's go home. I miss the Burrow. I want to cook in my own kitchen. They don't need me here anymore. Everything that'll ever be clean, finally is."

"Alright," he agreed, leaning down to brush a soft kiss across her mouth. "You just have to tell Sirius."

* * *

Sirius was in a wretched mood. He knew Molly wanted to go home, and leave him here to care for this horrible house all alone. More than anything, he wanted to leave too, to work for the order, but if he couldn't, he certainly didn't want to have to endure Number Twelve Grimmauld Place and Kreatcher by himself. Well, not completely by himself, Remus would be there when the moon wasn't full. The full moon. Another reason to scowl. He returned to his crossword puzzle, which was proving more difficult than he'd anticipated.

"'Lays silver eggs'- six letters, any ideas Tonks?" Tonks, who had been watching the Wealsey's disappear from the room, returned to her seat across from Sirius, and shook her head.

"I'm really rubbish at remembering creatures."

"Me too. I thought I knew 'blows–" The train whistled. "fire,' but 'dragon' doesn't fit right with 3 down. I wish Lupin was here. He'd know."

"Yes, where is he?" Her voice rose awkwardly. She was trying, and failing, to sound casual. Sirius wondered at her obvious interest.

"I can't really say. I've promised to keep it a secret." And that was true. Once, during their school years he'd as good as told Snape. After that, Remus hadn't wanted to trust him again, and Sirius couldn't blame him. So he'd promised Remus, in a magically binding vow, that he wouldn't tell anyone about his transformations.

"Why not? Is it a _kept_ secret?"

"No, _I_ just can't tell." He sighed, and thought of Remus, all alone, suffering in the moonlight. Everyone, including Remus, had decided it was best if he went back to his own flat to transform. If something went wrong, he didn't want to endanger another member of the Order. Despite the Wolfsbane Potion, his transformations still wreaked havoc on his system, exhausting him. He needed someone to take care of him, and dammit, Sirius would have been happy do it, but he wasn't allowed to leave the house.

"You're worried about him."

Tonks' had read him well. He looked up at her; she appeared as worried as he felt.

"Can't you tell me anything? I'm his friend too," she pleaded. "I care about him."

She'd only known Remus for a few months. How much could she truly care about him, Sirius wondered. He didn't think she knew anything about Remus, or his past. Would she accept him if she knew? Would she still want to be 'friends' with a werewolf? "Sure. I bet you don't even know how he takes his tea," Sirius muttered, more to himself than to Tonks.

She grinned, her eyes gleaming. "How much?"

"What?" He asked, confused.

"How much do you want to bet?"

"Are you trying to tell me that you do, indeed, know how Remus takes his tea?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"With two lumps of sugar."

"Hmmm... you've had tea with him then?"

"Don't look so surprised. I know a lot about Remus. Like I said, we're friends."

"I guess so. His favorite food?"

She paused, obviously contemplating this answer. "Chocolate."

"Damn. You're good." He frowned at her. "But if you're such good friends, I wonder why he hasn't told you where he goes each month..."

"Maybe the right opportunity hasn't come up," she suggested hopefully.

"Well, perhaps, since you know so much about him, you have enough information to figure it out without me telling you."

She looked doubtful. "I don't know where to start."

"Then let me help you. I like puzzles."

* * *

Tonks blinked. "Wouldn't that be breaking your vow?"

"Nope. Wording is very important. As long as I don't _tell _or _show_ where he goes or why, I've kept my promise."

"So..."

"So what do you know about Remus' past?" Sirius finished for her, sounding slightly agitated.

"Ummm..." She really didn't know anything at all about his past.

"Oh, come on. Let's start with the easy stuff. You know he went to Hogwarts. You know he was friends with me and with James Potter and..." he muttered another name she didn't catch.

"Yeah. That's true." Perhaps, Sirius was right. Perhaps, Tonks knew more than she thought she knew. "And he studied dark creatures," she added remembering the first conversation she'd had with him. "Specifically werewolves."

Sirius nodded.

"That's why you need him for your puzzle."

He nodded again, more vigorously. "You're definitely going in the right direction."

"Is he out studying dark creatures? Or maybe meeting with them, trying to convince them to join the Order or at least not to join Voldemort?"

Frowning, Sirius said, "Not exactly."

"Hmmm... Is teaching someone else about dark creatures?"

Chuckling bitterly, Sirius shook his head, "I certainly hope not."

She scowled at him. Obviously he wasn't really going to help her, just laugh at her. "Well, I don't know then."

Sirius studied the puzzle in front of him and then scribbled an answer, ignoring her. She wasn't really ready to give up discovering Remus' secret reason for disappearing, despite Sirius' unhelpfulness. But without his hints, she had no ideas, none at all. She kicked him in the shin.

"_Help me._"

"I was thinking," said Sirius defensively. "Perhaps we should try a different approach to the problem. Did you happen to see Remus' boggart the other day?"

She closed her eyes trying to remember. She'd seen Remus raise his wand and point it at... "A white orb?"

Sirius' lips twisted. "You saw it, but, obviously, didn't understand it. Who would be afraid of an orb?"

This seemed to be an even less promising line of thought. What did Remus' worst fear have to do with his absence? "I don't know. Someone who'd had a terrible experience in divination?"

"No." He set the puzzle. "That was a rhetorical question, the point of it being to suggest that Remus' boggart wasn't an orb, but instead something that resembles an orb."

Sirius' tone made her feel incredibly dense, but she still had no idea what he was trying say. She had no idea what the orb could have represented.

Frustration apparent, Sirius practically shouted, "A MOON! A FULL MOON!"

"He's afraid of full moons? But why?" He stared at her, obviously incredulous at her continued lack of understanding. Shaking his head, he glanced down at his puzzle, then, quickly, triumphantly, his eyes flickered back up to her face.

The train hummed distractingly in the background.

"Well, if you don't know the answer, I'll think I'll just go back to my puzzle." Sirius sounded smug. He was playing with her and she knew it.

"I have to know, Sirius. Tell me where he is!" When he didn't say anything, she shoved her chair back from the table and threw her hands into the air. "Why did you ask me all these questions if you weren't going to eventually tell me! Go blow–" The train whistled. "yourself, you bloody poof!" Realizing what she'd just said, Tonks felt terribly tactless, but Sirius only laughed and wagged his eyebrows at her, exhibiting incredible confidence in his sexuality.

"That's what you think."

"I'm leaving." Tonks rose, and moved toward the door, tripping over the train tracks. She gave an angry screech as she landed hard on her bottom. Before she had a chance to rise, the toy train came barreling into her hip. Exasperated and on edge, she flew up and to the door.

"Last one."

Unable to stop herself, she asked, "Last what?"

"What's an eight letter word for a wizard or muggle that, once a month, on the full moon, transforms into a murderous beast?"

"A werewolf, you dolt." She answered automatically, exiting the kitchen.

But as she made her way to the door and walked outside into the bright moonlit night, she realized that Sirius hadn't been asking for her help with the puzzle. He'd been trying to tell her something. Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

* * *

Author's Note: 

All the creatures in Sirius' puzzle came from _Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them_. The information the characters gave about the beasts (and more!) can be found there.

Thanks to Little Sister Lauren for the toy train idea.

Review, please. makes puppy face

I know this chapter was short and atrocious, but the next one completely makes up for it. In every way. I wish I could post it now. But I can't. (I have completed the first half of this story! YAY!) Also, I'm still working out the beta thing. Please have patience with me.

* * *

Reviewer Responses 

You are all my best friend, just as promised. (If you read my dedication, you've seen that Best Friend Becky has been fired.)

**bri007- ** They will kiss... eventually. But I do promises many lovely passionate kisses in the future of this fic.

**DeD kAkE- **After that rave about Remus, I feel particularly terrible about leaving him out of this chapter. But just you wait till next chapter.

**FLUFF MASTER- **Were it not for you, I would not have posted a chapter this week. Thanks.

**tenten-kun- **So, about whether or not Remus is gay in canon... I don't think so. At all. Especially after HBP, obviously. However, I, and many other fans, do adore the a good gay fanon Remus. But do not get confused. For the purpose of this story, he is, in no way, gay.

**Harry Clone- **Yes, very ironic, that jealousy. More jealousy to come, so watch out.

**homelesshobbit**- e.e. cummings is amazing. Thanks for offering to be my beta!

**jadeddiva**- I'm not going to lie. I was very sad when I looked at your story and it was so similar to mine, only better. I feel like such a poser. e.e. cummings is definitely the Tonks/Remus poet.

**DarkSideoftheMoon**- Sorry to disappoint, but you're going to be waiting quite awhile for the revelation.

**okami kaze- **More updates just for you because of the kitty Ann which you have given me.

**zan189 **- Thanks for the reviews! Let's be friends!

**ellieo- **Hey! I read your profile and I feel exactly the same as you about reviews. Let's you and I change the world of fanfiction by going on a review crusade! Reviews for EVERYONE!


	5. Lessons in Handling

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: Lessons in Handling  
Chapter Summary: Sirius is stunned. And handled.  
Dedication: To everyone who, like Tonks, Sirius, and I, really missed Remus in the last chapter. (Yes, **DeD kAkE,** that means you.)  
Warnings: A tiny bit of hyperness might have seeped into the writing in the form of giggling fits(yes, plural... there are several). I was listening to Michael Jackson... sorry.

* * *

Author's Note: Many apologies for the lack of updating. I am being plagued by the worst of diseases: Writer's Block. It's terrible.

* * *

what freedom's not some under's mere above  
but breathing yes which fear will never no?  
measureless our pure living complete love  
whose doom is beauty and its fate to grow

shall hate confound the wise?doubt blind the brave?  
does mask wear face?have singers gone to say?  
here youngest selves yet younger selves conceive  
here's music's music and the day of day

are worlds collapsing?any was a glove  
but I'm and you are actual either hand  
is when for sale?forever is to give  
and on forever's very now we stand

nor a first rose explodes but shall increase  
whole truthful infinite immediate us  
-e.e. cummings

* * *

October 1995

Kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

"Why that's bloody brilliant!" Sirius exclaimed.

"I bet it was Hermione's idea." Tonks added, excitedly.

But she didn't think anyone heard, as Snape spoke over her saying, "It's foolish and irresponsible. Those children might as well be trying to get themselves killed." He scowled at Sirius and his lips formed the unspoken words: "Which is fine by me."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?" Sirius rose from his chair, roaring.

"Nothing." Snape spat back, his hand flying to his wand.

"YOU ARE A PART OF THIS ORDER WHICH MEANS YOU'RE TRYING TO DEFEAT VOLDEMORT, IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN! YOU'RE IN A POSITION TO MAKE CERTAIN NO HARM COMES TO THE STUDENTS OF HOGWARTS AND YOU'D BLOODY BETTER WELL DO YOUR GODDAMNED JOB!"

"Or what? You'll yell at me? It's not like you can come after me or protect them yourself, now is it?" Snape sneered calmly, though his body was poised to fight. He glanced at Dumbledore, who was flipping through some papers in front of him, seemingly oblivious to the tension. His demeanor fooled no one. He was listening to every word. "Anyway, I believe it's in the student's best interest to stop this at once as they will, no doubt, be caught."

Snape and Black continued to glare at each other and no one spoke.

Remus coughed, then said, "The students of Hogwarts definitely need to learn how to protect themselves what with Voldemort on the rise again and they clearly aren't learning anything in Defense Against the Dark Arts, not from that awful Umbridge." Sirius smiled triumphantly. "However, they aren't experienced enough to go about it by themselves. For example, none of them considered the danger of meeting at the Hog's Head. What they need is an adult mentor."

"I'd love to help them." Amazed be Remus'almost instant compromise, and Tonks volunteered immediately. She would _love_ to help Harry and his friends learn some useful defense spells. Actually, helping them sounded _fun._

"NO! NO! NO!" Molly shouted. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY CONSIDERING ALLOWING THIS TO GO ON! OBVIOUSLY THESE CHILDREN ARE PUTTING THEIR CAREERS AND THEIR LIVES IN DANGER BECAUSE IF THEY ARE CAUGHT THEY FACE EXPULSION!" She looked directly at Sirius. "DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT HARRY'S FUTURE?" She must have been stewing for some time, brewing up that outburst so it had the maximum potency. It seemed to have the desired effect as everyone, especially Sirius, appeared chagrined.

Tonks, though she didn't dare say as much, still agreed with Lupin and Sirius' original position. The students needed to learn useful defense spells. She caught Lupin's eye, biting her lip and raising her eyebrows. He nodded slightly indicating that he'd understood and agreed. Then, smiling gently at Molly in a way that made Tonks' heart flip, Remus said, "You're right of course."

She smiled, a bit surprised, but obviously grateful. "Thank you." Looking accusingly around the table at the rest of the Order who sat in silence, she let her gaze rest on Sirius who was watching Remus intently. Black's eyebrows were raised and he licked his lips. Tonks knew he was waiting for Lupin to explain his sudden change of heart.

Instead of doing so, he said, "Black was going to floo Harry again this week. He can convey the message to your children then, through Ron. Though I suggest you also tell them yourself. A lot of repetition might be needed." He smiled again, this time mischievously, his eyes flashing. The smile was aimed at Sirius, and she felt a flash of jealousy. She realized he was only trying to placate Molly. No amount of heckling from their mother would stop the Weasley children from participating in Harry's defense club. Sirius obviously understood this as well, for he nodded his agreement with a wide-eyed innocence that didn't fool her, but seemed to convince Molly.

* * *

Most of the Order had gone on their respective ways and Remus found himself sitting at the kitchen table with Sirius and Tonks sipping tea. The two hadn't left their seats since the beginning of the meeting, forcing him to see people out the door, not that he minded. Tonks often stayed late after meetings and stopped by often 'just to visit.' Her continued presence didn't surprise him, in fact he might have been more surprised had she left with the others.

He leaned back in his chair with a sigh and let his hand rest on his tea cup, observing Sirius and Tonks who were both beaming at him with admiration. "What did I do?"

Sirius snorted, not duped by Remus' guileless tone. "I forgot how well you handled people, Moony."

He shook his head at Sirius. "I have no idea what you're talking about." Though his tone was convincingly flat, he had to hide a smile in his tea cup, which he brought to his lips.

"That was _impressive_." Tonks added, smiling mischievously, her eyes lit and fixed on him. Obviously she wasn't fooled either.

"You've always had a special talent with the women." Sirius jeered, winking. Remus dumped the remainder of his tea on Sirius's head, and his eyes immediately flew to Tonks wanting to see her reaction. She was giggling uncontrollably and watching as Sirius sputtered angrily, hot tea dripping down his chin. Turning, she caught Remus gaze and he couldn't help but laugh with her.

"I don't know what you two find so damn funny!" Sirius pulled out his wand to clean himself.

Remus was laughing too hard to reply, but Tonks calmed herself enough to say, "You look like a wet, angry she-dog." She burst into a renewed fit of giggles.

"I think your cousin just called you a bitch." At Remus' comment Tonks laughed so hard she snorted and Sirius' barking laugh joined that of the others. Tonks blushed in embarrassment, though several more snorts got out before she could calm herself.

"This defense club of theirs is quite brilliant." Tonks said when the laughter had died.

"I just wish there was something we could do to help them." Remus added. He didn't like the idea of Harry, Hermione and Ron having to, not only prepare the lessons, but also worry about how to keep the club hidden and secret. Already they were doing a poor job. Mundungus, Ministry spies, and countless other unsavory creatures had witnessed their first meeting.

"Forget helping them." Sirius poured a dollop of liquor into his teacup. "I bloody well want to join them."

"You'd want to join club of teenagers? They're just like the Order, only underage." Tonks observed him, frowning curiously.

"I don't doubt all of us could use some practice with the basic spells and hexes used in dueling dark wizards." Sirius muttered defensively. "Anyway, it sounds fun, like something Moony, James and I would have come up with in our school days." He looked to his friend for support. Remus smiled slightly, noting the purposeful omission of Peter's name.

"More like something you and James would have created and pestered me into joining, despite my nobler instinct to follow rules."

"Well, you're wrong." Tonks said abruptly shooting a challenging look at Sirius. "You might need practice, what with being housebound and in Azkaban, but I'm an Auror, fresh out of training. I don't need any more practice with basic defense spells." But Sirius wasn't looking at her anymore. His gaze was fixed on Remus and a maniacal smile hovered about his lips.

"Oh no, Padfoot. Whatever you're going to say, my answer is no."

"Let's practice. Right now."

Remus set his jaw and glared into his tea cup. "I thought you might be thinking of something like that. I suppose it could have worse, though."

"Please." Remus' cup was empty, though a brown ring of residue remained on the bottom. He tried to concentrate on that ring, instead of on Sirius pleading noises. He knew if he looked up into Sirius' face with his lips no doubt pouting and his eyes filled with hopeful desperation, he wouldn't be able to say 'no.'

"You're decent at handling people as well, Sirius."

"Only you, Moony, only you." His eyes snapped up from the dirty tea cup. Sirius was grinning triumphantly. He already knew Remus' final answer.

"You win. We can practice."

"I've cleaned out the upstairs parlor. Let's do it there."

"Right."

* * *

Tonks suppressed the urge to dump her own tea on Black's head. Not only was he purposefully trying to embarrass her by acting conspicuously homosexual, but Sirius had blatantly not included her in the invitation to practice dueling, which only added to the innuendo. Not that she needed the practice. Perhaps she shouldn't have told them as much.

Both men rose from the table, Sirius, humming with excitement and Remus, sighing resignedly. The latter shot her an apologetic look.

Reaching the door to the kitchen, Sirius called over his shoulder, "Oh, yeah. Tonks, you can come to, if you'd like."

"Alright!" Tonks didn't even attempt to keep the enthusiasm from her voice. She grinned broadly at Remus, whose gaze hadn't left hers. She tumbled off her chair, righted herself, and ran to the stairs, grabbing Remus' hand and dragging him behind her.

Sirius was already in the parlor by the time Tonks and Remus reached the top of the stairs. "Sirius?" Tonks started into the room, reaching for her wand. Not finding it in its usual pocket, she began to search frantically through her robes. "I think we should beg–"

"_Impedimenta!_"

Tonks flew backwards, caught unaware, crashing into Remus, who stood close behind her. He caught her around the waist, set her upright, and breathed "I thought you were an Auror," into her ear. She ignored, or rather tried to ignore, the tingling sensation that shot through her and drew her wand at Sirius. Luckily, he was busy shooting a silent spell Remus, which the latter ducked, giving her time to fire a Tripping Jinx at Sirius.

Falling hard on his bottom, Sirius let out a stream of curses that began, "Sodding-"

"Now really, Sirius, is that language neccessary?" Remus asked creating a shield charm to protect himself from the blue jet coming from Tonks' wand and aimed at his person.

Getting back to his feet, Sirius sent Disarming Charm at Remus, but it was blocked by his Shield Charm which was still in tact. Sensing Black refocus his attention on her, Tonks dashed behind Remus. Sirius moved to follow, while Remus let down his shield charm and turned toward her.

"You didn't really think I'd protect you after you started shooting hexes at me, did you?" He questioned, muttering a Knee-Reversing Hex which she was able to deflect.

As she was distracted in fending off Remus, Sirius had the chance to come round behind her and hit her with another hex. Whirling round to see him, she felt her ears begin to twitch uncontrollably. Sirius was laughing at her.

"Adorable look, Tonks. I think we should leave them that way." He managed to say through bark-like shouts of laughter. Behind her, Remus was chuckling too.

"Good one." His tone was congratulatory, and Sirius winked, wickedly back at him. But then, quite suddenly, he stumbled as his wand flew from his fingertips and across the room.

"Why you little– "he cried, calling Remus many nasty names, and beginning to move towards his wand. However, Remus was already heading toward it, and probably would have reached it first if Tonks hadn't raised her wand at him.

"_Rictusempra!_"

Immediately Remus collapsed on the floor, in a pool of robes, laughing and moaning. He rolled around feebly, clutching his sides. "Tonks! Stop!" He sounded quite desperate. "Make it STOP!"

Instead of focusing on the whining man, Tonks turned her attention to Black who had almost reached his wand.

"_Petrificus Totalus!_"

Sirius stiffened and then fell to the floor. Tonks crossed her arms and smiled at her handiwork. One man lying trapped in a full body-bind and the other screaming with laughter and pain. She did deserve her Auror badge after all.

She exited the room, fully intending to leave the two men there while she poured herself a drink to sip, slowing and relax with. Sirius deserved a bit of punishment. After all, he'd hit her with the initial Impediment Jinx before she'd even fully entered the room. His unexpected curse had caught her off-guard and she wasn't able to recover for several minutes. And Remus...

"TONKS! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" His cries broke through her thoughts. Poor Remus. She turned back around. He didn't deserve to spend an hour under the Tickling Charm.

* * *

Remus could barely breath. He felt like someone or several someones were attacking him with light, finger-brushing caresses all over his body... in a torturous way. He couldn't believe Tonks would leave him like this. Surely she didn't want him to commit suicide.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay like this?"

Relief shot through him, though he couldn't relax as he was still being tickled mercilessly, and he knew he loved her. She'd come to rescue him, never mind that she was rescuing him from her own spell. "Just make it go away," he whimpered, too tired to shout anymore.

"Some people like to be tickled." But she was already drawing her wand and he knew she was just teasing. And then she stopped, mid-draw, and watched him. He changed his mind; he hated her.

Giggling at his grimace, she murmured, "_Finite Incantatem!"_ Upon being released from the spell the first thing he noticed was that her ears were still twitching. He decided not to mention it.

"That was brutal." He turned toward Sirius, moving to release him from his spell, but Tonks caught his arm.

"Leave him. He deserves it. He's a cheater."

Remus laughed, observing the outraged glare Sirius was sending them through his petrified eyes. "Agreed."

He was certain that once Sirius was released from the spell, he would never hear the end of this which was all the more reason to leave him that in the body-bind.

"You look a bit shaken. Let's have a drink."

"I sit with you, maybe have a cup of tea. But I don't drink, as a general rule."

"Why's that?"

From her teasing tone, he gathered she'd already guessed. "To be honest, I don't have the stomach for it. A couple drinks and I'm giggling or barfing."

"Already had enough of that tonight, have you?"

He laughed and nodded. Her ears gave a particularly jerky twitch, and he laughed harder. Tonks didn't notice as she was already heading down the stairs.

When they were settled, Remus drinking tea and Tonks, wine, he smiled wryly and said, "You seemed to come out of that fight without a scratch."

"Yeah, I was hit by Sirius' first jinx, but after that I deflected..." She put her hands up to feel her ears, which were, indeed, still twitching. "Stop laughing..."

He reached out with his wand to end the charm, but he did not stop laughing. "I thought you're ears were rather cute jerking around like that."

She huffed and sipped her wine. "I should have left you up there forever."

He was silent, but smiled broadly, confidently. She couldn't have left him up there in that state and they both knew it.

She sighed. "Perhaps I should go free Sirius. Or better yet, you could do it."

"Too soon, yet, I think." The bloody cad was not going to interrupt his tea time.

Tonks looked at him concernedly. "You're angry at him." He must have spoken his thought out loud.

"Not at all."

"I think you'd better talk to him. He's probably not too happy with me at the moment."

* * *

Author's Note(s):

Reviews always help cure writers block with which I am currently afflicted.

I had doubts about making Remus manipulative, but I looked back through PoA and OotP and decided that manipulative!Remus is cannon.

I love hp-lexicon. I used them to find spells for the fight.

Sorry about the massive amounts of Sirius/Remus innuendo, if that bothers you. I have been on a major Sirius/Remus kick, devouring every story I could get my hands on. Actually, mostly just shoebox project, which happens to be my favorite fanfiction or what ever it is, EVER. Thanks so much to Kati who introduced me to it! If you are a Marauders lover (and you haven't read this yet), you need to read this. If you aren't, you need to read it anyway; I guarantee you'll become a marauders lover. I tried to put in the URL last update and it didn't work. So I'll try again. http/ size=1 width=100% noshade>Review Responses:

To all: I hope you are all still reading and have forgiven me for the missing updates.

**FLUFF MASTER**: You rock. It made my day to have someone _excited_ about being my first review. Sorry about ignoring your harassments the last few weeks. What with writers block and massive amounts of _papers _due for _college_, updating has become difficult.

**DarkSideoftheMoon: **Sirius didn't really do anything wrong. Well, maybe he did. Anyway, I think that Sirius paid the price for his indiscretion in this chapter.

**ellieo**: I have found a beta! Brilliant Roommate Bridget has finally caved. Thanks for your offers!

**Brilliant Roommate Bridget: **Mmm... what I didn't tell you before is that you already own my soul.

**zan189:** I definitely agree that Tonk's biggest problem is her presupposition about Remus' homosexuality. And I don't think that Remus being a werewolf wouldn't really phase her, which is why I don't really deal with it in this chapter. It will come up later though.

**bri007**: Thanks! I love Sirius. He's my favorite. Sometimes. When he's not being selfish and immature.

**smellycatwantstopee**: I can't get past your name.

**DeD kAkE**: Can I have my chocolate back now? It might help with the writer's block.

**Celi**: Yay! Thanks!

**Alli-Baby**: I'm glad you feel the UST because UST is my favorite and this is my first foray into writing it.

**Valkyrie228**: I apologize for not updating and keeping you in 'misery.' But now have updated. So hopefully that makes you as happy as it makes me.

**Kerichi**: Umm, yes. I do answer questions like yours in e-mails.


	6. Spats, Secrets, and Suspicions

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: Spats, Secrets, and Suspicions  
Chapter Summary: Angst abounds. As does alliteration(but not really).  
Dedication: This is the first of three chapters (not consecutive) to be dedicated, at least in part, to Little Sister Lauren. I love you coughandcoughspatulascough.

* * *

conceive a man,should he have anything  
would give a little more than it away

(his autumn's winter being summer's spring  
who moved by standing in november's may)  
from whose (if loud most howlish time derange

the silent whys of such a deathlessness)  
remembrance might no patient mind unstrange  
learn(nor could all earth's rotting scholars guess  
that life shall not for living find the rule)

and dark beginnings are his luminous ends  
who far less lonely than a fire is cool  
took bedfellows for moons mountains for friends

–open your thighs to fate and(if you can  
withholding nothing) World,conceive a man  
–e.e. cummings

* * *

November 1995

Kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

"Remus!" Sirius appeared more than a little relieved, as he rose from his chair at the table and walked over to greet him. "I haven't seen you in couple of days, actually more like a week. Since before the moon. And– "

"And you missed me terribly," Remus finished for him. He had no doubt that this was true, though he thought it more likely that Sirius hadn't missed _his_ companionship, but rather, companionship in general. "Anybody been by?" He sent Sirius an inquisitive look. This was the headquarters of the Order, after all. People usually dropped in and out all the time. Tonk ate dinner with them at least three times a week.

"Nope."

Incredulously, he asked, "Not even Tonks?"

Sirius shook his head emphatically, in a particularly canine fashion.

"Well, she, along with the rest of the order should be here within the hour." He glanced around the kitchen. "Sirius, when was the last time you did dishes?"

"Well, due to the lack company, I felt there was no reason to waste my energy..." Catching Remus' hint, he walked lazily to the sink and began to direct the dishes to wash. With a gracefulness that only could Sirius possess in such a situation, he summoned a dish towel and chucked it at Lupin who caught it hard in the stomach and grunted. "Nice catch. Always thought you should have been a chaser."

"I was busy being a prefect, but I'm not going to deny that the team could've used me. Too bad they got you instead."

Sirius smiled and handed him a dripping mug. "Where've you been?"

"Most recently?" he questioned, and Sirius shrugged. "I've just come back from a meeting with Dumbledore." He never knew how Sirius would react to hearing his assignments. Sometimes he was enthusiastic and encouraging, hugging him cheerfully, other times bitter and jealous, avoiding Remus for weeks afterward.

"What did he want? Isn't he going to see you in just a bit?" Sirius' tone was still calm, though curious.

"We discussed a possible mission. A new one." Remus tried to sound casual, knowing if he let even the smallest hint of his inner distress seep into his voice Sirius would catch on and never let go... in a bad way.

"For you?" Sirius handed him a plate that still had cheese residue stuck to it. The moment Sirius turned around, Remus levitated the plate back to the sink.

"Yes." He sighed, not wanting to share his new assignment with Sirius when they were getting on so well. "You are terrible at dishes, you know."

Remus' feeble attempt to change the subject failed. "Always have been. What is he having you do now? Rally all the sheep in England around our cause?"

Chuckling, Remus dried a knife and soup spoon. "Nothing like that," he lied. Sheep aside, Sirius had come very close to the truth.

Sirius stopped watching the dishes and turned to stare expectantly at him. When Remus pretended not to notice, absorbing himself in vigorously rubbing down an already very dry spatula, he said, "Well, what is it then?"

"I expect you'll find out at the meeting." Sirius looked stuck, betrayal and confusion clear in his eyes, but he didn't reply. He only nodded, stonily and returned to the sink. The silence was heavy and tense, so full of angry, unsaid words that Remus wished he carried earplugs on his person.

"So, you're going to give a report this time, is that what I hear?" Sirius posed the question offhandedly, as if he didn't care, but Remus knew he did.

"There's not much to report." He dried the pan Sirius handed him and replaced it on the rack where it usually hung.

Sirius smirked, observing him skeptically. He obviously thought that Remus was simply keeping things from him, jealously guarding his secrets. And he was right. Remus wasn't one to run at the mouth, and Sirius had never truly understood his need for privacy. Sirius never truly trusted him because of this he was afraid of a nonexistent darkness that Remus hid tight inside himself. This very misunderstanding had cost them their best friends fifteen years earlier. And while Remus didn't want that to happen again, he still had secrets to which he clung tightly, secrets he was unwilling to share, even with Sirius.

The doorbell rang, and Remus felt his shoulders sag in relief. He would not have to endure Sirius' rage... yet.

* * *

Tonks groaned. "Mundungus. What the hell? You _know _not to use the doorbell." Really, she knew she had no right to be angry, having made the same mistake only a week and a half ago, but she was not in the mood to be harassed by Mrs. Black.

After several minutes, Remus opened the door, flashing a look of terrible impatience at Mundungus, who was shifting guiltily from foot to foot and pretending to be invisible. When Remus finally caught her gaze, he was smiling, though annoyance still bright in his eyes.

She hadn't seen him since before the last full moon, and though she knew he could endure his transformation, had been enduring his transformations for years without her worry, she hadn't slept well during the most recent full moon. He did not know she knew about his 'condition', so she didn't feel comfortable asking him about it. But she could hug him, feel for herself that he was still alive and whole.

Embracing him loosely, trying to remain friendly, but not overwhelming, she laughed and murmured against his cheek, "I haven't seen you in forever."

"More like two weeks," he countered, pulling her closer. Then, as if suddenly realizing, where he was, perhaps because Mrs. Black's ranting had started to include references to 'that murderous beast,' he let her go abruptly. But before he could move out of her reach, she poked playfully at his ribs, causing him to double over, and scramble away laughing.

"Now that I know how ticklish you are, I am never going to let you out of my sight without taking advantage of that knowledge."

Sirius, after finally shutting the curtain on his mother with the hindering assistance of Mundungus, who had tried to tuck the curtains into his robes before they'd been ripped from his hands, was eyeing them suspiciously. _Shit_, Tonks thought, _he knows._ She stepped away from Remus, her gaze fixed on Sirius, who had begun to scowl at her. Remus followed her gaze and caught Sirius' eye, sending him a puzzled look. He looked extremely wary and Tonks realized the two lovers were not getting along.

Maybe they hadn't made up after their exploits in defense magic. But, no, she'd had dinner with them since then and they'd been perfectly relaxed. She wondered if, perhaps, her playfulness was at fault. Well, she wasn't trying to steal Remus from Sirius; they were only friends and she liked it that way. Sort of. In any case, Sirius had no right to be awful to Remus because of his entirely platonic relationship with her.

Sirius followed Mundungus into the kitchen, calling after him, "Touch anything and I'll have you locked up." Usually Sirius was polite to the thief, at least nicer than most of the Order. His perverse snappiness did not seem to phase Mundungus at all, but it alerted Tonks that something was very wrong, more wrong than a simple lovers' spat.

She looked questioningly at Remus as they followed the others through the doorway. He shook his head warningly, and guided her into the kitchen, gently pressing a hand into the small of her back. His palm was spread wide and emanating warmth, comforting and thrilling her, and she understood some secrets were better kept that way. The dispute between Remus and Sirius was none of her business.

But that didn't mean she wasn't curious. Perhaps, Sirius would be more forthcoming with his troubles. She tucked the thought into the back of her mind.

Mundungus was already asleep at the far end of the table. Sirius sat heavily next to him, a sour expression darkening his handsome face. Tonks chose to trip into a seat a bit down the table from him and Remus set a folder down on the table across from her, glancing at Sirius, who was studying his fingernails, and smiling sadly at her. "I'm going to intercept people at the door so we have no more incidents with the endearing Mrs. Black." She nodded.

The moment he left the room, silence, laced with Fletcher's snore's, fell thick. She wanted to talk to Sirius, but the way he was avidly observing his fingernails was more than a little discouraging.

Slowly, the room filled with members of the Order gradually dispelling the uncomfortable silence and, in it's place, bringing a flow of excited chatter. Finally, Dumbledore entered followed by Remus, who looked more on edge than before. He was worrying the hem of his shirt and biting the inside of cheek, reminding her of a nervous schoolboy. Glancing down the table, she noted that Sirius was watching Remus with a mixture of annoyance and concern.

"Alas, I see no reason why we can't begin."

* * *

Upon Dumbledore's arrival, Remus had promptly forgotten his delight at seeing Tonks again and remembered the purpose of tonight's meeting: discussing his new assignment. His first instinct was to tell Dumbledore that he didn't see why the others should have any say in the matter, but he did, in fact, understand that the Order was a team. They needed each other, or rather, he needed them.

Usually, the thought of taking on a new task would worry him, and it did. Usually, he would be prepared to take on that task, despite his distress, or in this case, horror, and he was. Usually, the thought of meeting in which the task was proposed would be the easiest part, but, this time, it was not. For some reason he could not name, he didn't want anyone to know what he'd been doing, or what he was going to do. That was a lie. He knew the reason: Tonks. He didn't want her to find out he was a werewolf, at least, not this way. He should have sat down with her months ago, and told her personally. They were friends, after all.

When he reentered the kitchen, his nervousness had reached a peak. He could feel everyone's eyes on him(except Mundungus' which were closed), most particularly Tonks' and Sirius'. As he sat gingerly in his chair, Tonks flashed him a reassuring smile, immediately calming him, then proceeding to make him more nervous when he thought about why he needed to be reassured in the first place.

"Remus, why don't you begin by regaling us with your exploits of the past few months?" Dumbledore's jovial suggestion brought him out of his reverie.

He felt sick. "Erm, I've been..." He tried not to look at Tonks, who was still smiling, more kindly now. "...building up contacts with some werewolfs who live on the fringes of society, not Greyback's, but other werewolves." Tonks didn't look surprised, just incredibly curious. Well, he hadn't said anything too horrifying yet.

"Many didn't agree with his policy during that last war and left. I've been trying to convince them that Voldemort is alive, and that we need them to fight with us or not at all." He felt more confident, the more he talked. Perhaps, he could make it through the whole speech without mentioning he was a werewolf. "The problem is that there are so few of us..." _Damn._ "...who are not under his influence. Maybe only four or five in all of England." He chanced a glance across the table. Neither the sweet smile, nor the look of curiosity had left Nymphadora's face. She must not have heard him correctly.

"The werewolves were some of Voldemort's fiercest fighters last time around. We have to do more." He could always count on Kingsley to get right at the heart of the issue.

Remus contemplated the Auror, and looked to Dumbledore, who nodded for him to continue.

"Dumbledore and I have discussed this very issue, Shacklebolt, and we've come up with a plan. The best way for me to contact the most werewolves, is for me to join Greyback's community and live as a werewolf, among them."

"You can't be serious!"

Remus restrained his first instinct which was to reply, "No, that's you." and instead said, "I am willing to do this, as I am best suited, or perhaps even, singularly suited for the task." Tonks was nodding, worry lines etched in her forehead. No signs of anger, disgust or even confusion were evident on her face; what he saw there was much worse. She was observing him with a mixture of terror and pity. He felt his heart sink to the floor.

"No. You can't. As your best friend, I forbid it. I won't have you living with them." Sirius was out of his chair and on his feet, eyes blazing and focused angrily on Lupin, who was simply too disappointed and tired to react. "That's not fair to you. You, in no way, deserve to spend time with... with..." He seemed to realize where he was and immediately sat back down.

"Are you quite finished?" Remus asked resignedly, too dismayed by Tonks' reaction to be embarrassed by his friend's outburst. Sirius should be supporting him in this endeavor, but Remus had never really expected that from him. Sirius nodded coldly, folding his arms and sitting back in his chair. He didn't speak for the remainder of the meeting, but eyed Remus beadily.

* * *

Tonks watched as Sirius rose from the table to grab a bottle of firewhiskey from one of the high cupboards, unaware of her presence. She had really wanted to talk to Remus, but he'd practically bolted up to bed as soon as the meeting ended, so she decided to settle for Sirius. She wondered if he'd better or worse drunk.

_Worse_, she decided as he took a heavy swig, then released a string of curses as it went down. _Definitely worse. _He took another swig, this one much longer.

"Hello, Sirius."He spat firewhiskey down his front and turned to curse at her. She was probably not off to a good start.

The first intelligible sentence he let out was: "What the hell are you still doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you." After pondering all her options, she decided honesty was probably the best way to begin.

"The bloody hell you did; you wanted to talk to Remus." So much for honesty. She decided to ignore his statement and it's superior truth.

"What's wrong? I know you're upset about something."

"Your first clue?" he asked, sulkily.

She remained silent, and looked at him in a way she hoped was pleadingly encouraging.

"I hate those damn meetings."

"In other words, you're terribly worried about Remus' new assignment."

"They just make me feel completely useless."

"I mean, I'm worried about Remus and I'm not close to him like you are."

"And now they've given Remus some new daredevil assignment and he's going to get himself killed. Without me."

"Is there really a good chance of him being killed?"

"I should be out there with him."

"I thought this assignment would be more emotionally draining for him than physically dangerous."

"He needs me."

He offered her the bottle of firewhiskey. She was sorely tempted to take a swig, but turned it down as she had to Apparate home.

"That conversation certainly went well."

"Indeed."

* * *

Many, Many Author's Notes:

This week, after serious consideration, I have decided to remove the prologue to this story. I don't feel like fits very well. I am grateful to **Kerichi** and **smellycatwantstopee** their input. However, others, like **FLUFF MASTER **and Brilliant Roommate Bridget, liked the prologue, so I have decided to archive it in my livejournal which I have set as my homepage.

A whole lot of people keep saying in reviews that they really, really want Tonks to stop being so stupid and realize that Remus isn't gay. I feel compelled to tell you that thoughts just like those were exactly what lead me to writing this piece. Best Friend Becky and Little Sister Lauren would spend days wistfully drooling over Remus, wistful because they thought he was gay. And I was like, "Guys, he's not gay. Did you not read the last book?"

I am now officially over my writer's block. Time to celebrate.

And, most importantly, it's my birthday this weekend! I just thought you all should know. (Libras are the funnest (yes, funnest) people ever!)

* * *

Reviewer Responses: 

**DarkSideoftheMoon**: I just realized how much fun I have writing Sirius. He's in the rest of this fic a lot. I thought you might like to know, so you can look forward to more sexy, brooding Sirius. Also, I used to be offended when people called my stuff 'cute'(cause that happens a lot, like this one time when I wrote this angsty thing about a girl confessing to her priest that she'd had sex with her boyfriend and my peer editor said 'this is cute.'), but I have recently come to terms that 'cute' is not a bad things to be, so thanks.

**bri007: **I'm glad you, a non slasher, liked the innuendo. That relieves me greatly. And, yes, to be Tonks... would be... fun.

**okmai kaze**: I forgive you for not reviewing the last chapter merely because understand the ills of not having cable internet. Also, the ice cream helped!

**zan189**: I am sorry that the tea time conversation is not continued, but the tickling definitely is. Thanks for the forgiveness. Hopefully now that I no longer have writer's block, the updates will stay steady.

**smellycatwantstopee: **You're reviews are always incredibly empowering! All this be true to yourself and your story stuff makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

**DeD kAkE**: And I contemplated dedicating this chapter to you because of the chocolate which definitely dissolved my writers block! I hear you just started driving... don't ask where... I'm not stalking you, I swear...

**slightly so**: It's definitely supposed to be funny. I love tragicomedy, it's the best kind. If writing massive amounts of papers counts as fun, then yes, my second year at college is loads of fun. (Actually, I love college. And I might even like writing papers... just not four in two days.)

**Kerichi**I definitely agree that writing and reading RL/NT is great fun because of the room cannon allows for creative character development. Also, I am fixing Kingsley's 'alas' line because you are right, and it was a mistake. However, the squealing was not. (If you must know, I put that in on the request of Little Sister Lauren as a 'thank you' for her betaing of that chapter. If that puts into question my literary integrity, then so be it.)

**devillish angel: **I'm glad you think Remus and Tonks were portrayed as 'strong' because I get a lot of comments to the contrary. And I always love it when people appreciate my strange sense of humor!

**KatieBell70: **Thanks for_ all_ your reviews. I will be continuing (and by that I mean rewriting and then posting) Chasing Memories as soon as I finish with this project.I am _so_ excited about it. To the point of distraction. About this review: I love writing dialogue, probably because I love talking, so I am delighted that you what I have written. And I am glad you like the characterizations because I work hard on those as well.

**FLUFF MASTER**: Battle scene. Lol. I am glad you can think of it that way. I've never written action before, as even light action as that is challenging for me, so I'm glad it came off okay.


	7. Christmas Pudding

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: Christmas Pudding  
Chapter Summary: Tonks helps Remus to break some fasts.  
Dedication: This is the second of three chapters (not consecutive) to be dedicated, at least in part, to Little Sister Lauren. I love you coughandcoughspatulascough.

* * *

Note to all on my Author Alert or Story Alert or anyone else that had trouble finding my new chapter last Friday:

Last week I deleted my prologue and added a new chapter. For the first couple of hours after I posted, everything was messed up. I think when the new chapter email was first sent out, it linked people to what is now chapter five, which all those on the email list had already read. I apologize for the inconvenience. Last week chapter six was _new_ and this week chapter seven is new. If, for some reason, you missed chapter six, I recommend you read it first.

* * *

hate blows a bubble of despair into  
hugeness world system universe and bang  
–fear buries a tomorrow under woe  
and up comes yesterday most green and young

pleasure and pain are merely surfaces  
(one itself showing,itself hiding one)  
life's only and true value neither is  
love makes the little thickness of the coin

comes here a mean would have from madame death  
neverless now and without winter spring?  
she'll spin that spirit her own fingers with  
and give him nothing (if he should not sing)

how much more than enough for both of us  
darling. And if i sing you are my voice,  
-e.e. cummings

* * *

Early December 1995

Drawing Room of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

Remus was ravenous. Ravenous to the point of starvation. Normally, he would have gone to the kitchen to grab something to eat hours ago. But Sirius was in the kitchen. Had been in the kitchen for hours.

They'd been avoiding each other almost three weeks now, which was difficult considering they lived together. But somehow they'd managed it. Until today.

After last week's Order meeting, Remus had returned to the kitchen for a cup of tea only to find that Mrs.Weasley, meddlesome, mischievous Molly, had pulled Sirius aside for a chat. She told him he needed to find an outlet, other than alcohol, for his distress if was he wanted to continue to be a member of their Order. When he'd complained there was little else to do, as he was housebound, she'd laughed at him. He'd given her a disgruntled look, to which she'd replied, "I'm a housewife, Sirius."

Not wanting to eavesdrop, Remus had fled guiltily, unnoticed. Later he discovered that, somehow, the discussion had culminated in Sirius accepting baking lessons from Molly.

Yesterday they'd made scones. Chocolate chip scones. None of which Remus ate because that would mean talking to Sirius, or worse, asking Sirius for something. Remus adored Chocolate chip scones. Just thinking about them made his stomach grumble.

Not that his stomach wasn't grumbling anyway.

He hadn't come in until the early hours of morning, as he'd been on duty last night. He fell asleep as the predawn light broke into his room through the open window. He'd come downstairs just before noon, intending to eat breakfast, but Sirius and Molly had already commandeered the kitchen. Before Remus had a chance to turn around, Molly insisted he tell her whether he wanted currants in his Christmas pudding. As he wasn't particularly fond of currants, he'd told her not to put them in, at which point Sirius had stormed past him shouting about how 'everyone with any taste at all likes currants in their Christmas Pudding' and how 'currants represent the Spirit of Christmas.'

At this point, Remus had thought that, perhaps, he might be able to eat his breakfast in relative peace. He'd even found a piece of bread to toast, before Sirius reappeared in the door to the pantry with currants which he levitated over Molly's head and into the mixing bowl.

When Molly retaliated by chucking her spatula at Sirius, Remus had ran from the room clutching his untoasted, unbuttered bread to escape the ensuing food fight and shouting match. Never let it be said that Molly Weasley was a pushover, especially in the kitchen.

The whole incident, along with his continued craving for chocolate chip scones, left him wishing that he and Sirius were on better terms or that at least he had someone who could help him sort things out. Like Tonks. However, he was avoiding her even more avidly than he was avoiding Sirius.

She'd been over to visit the night after the meeting before last. And the night after that. And the night after that. Coincidentally, he'd been in bed with a headache all three evenings. More amazingly, his headache had disappeared the fourth afternoon. But Tonks hadn't come that evening. Or any more evenings at all.

He wasn't sure if he felt relieved or disappointed at her continued absence from his life. He missed her, certainly. But he didn't want her to be afraid of him because he was a monstrous beast. And, more than that, he didn't want her to pity him because he was a werewolf. If she smiled at him or tickled him or talked with him, he wanted it to be because she liked and respected him, because she wanted to be around him, and not because she didn't want him to be lonely, because she felt sorry for him.

Last night, he'd dreamed about her. He couldn't remember anything about the dream except for her laughter. And her taste, which had been remarkably close to that of chocolate chip scones. Not that he'd eaten any recently.

On his lap lay _Dark Creatures Monthly_, a well-regarded journal. The current volume featured an article by a radical scholar concerning the innate nature of werewolves. He argued that they weren't necessarily evil or dark, but because of their uncontrollable hunger for flesh they were easily persuaded to join forces with whoever offered them the best fare.

Remus' stomach gave an audible groan.

"Hungry?"

Remus jumped. Tonks leaned against the doorframe, watching him with a smile, and in her hands she was carrying the largest sandwich he'd ever seen.

He couldn't help it. At that moment, he fell head over heals in love with her.

* * *

Remus' eyes lit on her face, and then fell to the sandwich. And then flew back to her face, lingering on her lips until they landed again on the sandwich and stayed there. "Are you going to eat all that?"

Tonks decided that starvation was an excellent tactic to force people to open talks of surrender, so she countered, "Are you going to talk to me?"

"When I'm finished eating your sandwich."

She stared contemplatively at the sandwich, as if trying to decide wether talking with him was worth such an extraordinary sandwich. "It is a ham sandwich, and with three kinds of cheese," she said reluctantly, turning to leave.

"And cucumbers?" he asked desperately.

"Yes," she said, turning back toward him, "now that you mention it. And I'm not very fond of cucumbers."

He rose from the couch, the journal on his lap sliding to the ground, and walked forward, snatching the sandwich from her plate.

Before she could protest, he'd taken three bites. He chewed, the triumphant gleam in his eye daring her to challenge him.

Grinning, she answered by saying, "I've already had lunch. Molly told me to bring this up to you. She said you'd missed breakfast."

Remus began to make awful choking noises from his mouthful of sandwich, and Tonks pulled out her wand, ready to Accio ham and cucumber bits from his lungs. He put out his hand to stop her. Swallowing with a large gulp, he said, "I'm fine. You're just funny. Please don't make me laugh while I'm eating."

She reached out a hand toward his ribs and poised her fingers to tickle. "And why not? It could be fun."

"Not if the part of this sandwich I've already eaten ends up on you."

"There is that." She immediately pulled her hand back, making him laugh, and choke, again.

Without missing a bite, he sat back down on the couch. She followed, slipping on the forgotten journal and losing her balance so that she landed half on top of him.

"Ooof. Carful," he exclaimed through a mouthful of cheese. Tonks shot him a sour look as she disentangled herself, and picked up the offending object.

"If you hadn't left this," she brandished the now mangled journal at him, "on the floor, I wouldn't have tripped."

He didn't seem to have a response, or perhaps he was jut too excited about his sandwich to truly care.

She flipped through the journal he'd left on the floor. Finding an article about werewolves, she began to read. After several minutes, she realized Remus had stopped eating and was watching her warily.

"I don't care, you know."

His brow furrowed as if he hadn't understood, but Tonks knew better. "Maybe that's not the right way to phrase it. You're still Remus, and we're still friends. At least, if you can come to terms with the fact that I care about you, even though I know you're a werewolf."

When he still looked skeptical, she continued. "My knowing that you're a difference shouldn't make a difference in our relationship. If you didn't think you weren't too dangerous for me to be around before, what makes you more dangerous now?"

"I _was _dangerous before you knew. I'm a dangerous friend. Ask Sirius." Tonks wanted to interrupt him, to tell him that she understood, that she cared for him, but she remained silent and let him continue. "And anyway, I've found that once people know what I am, they think of me differently which ultimately means they treat me differently."

She placed a hand over his. "Am I treating you any differently?"

He looked away and she could tell he wanted to say something, but she had no idea how he could answer affirmatively to her question.

"At the meeting," he began, "you looked at me, terrified."

She thought back to the meeting. And then she remembered and smiled. Linking their fingers, she said, "Did it ever occur to you that I might be scared for your life? That I might be worried about you risking your life interacting with creatures in league with Voldemort?"

He snorted, and she had the dignity to be very offended. "I guess not."

"How am I supposed to know if you were scared _for_ me because you care about me or if you were scared _of_ me because you just found out I was a werewolf... or both?" She could tell he was trying to keep his voice even, but he was doing a poor job.

"For your information, I wasn't just finding out that you were a werewolf. I've known for months. And I didn't treat you any differently. You didn't even know that I knew!" Tonks slapped a hand over her mouth.

* * *

From the guilty expression on Tonks' face, Remus held no doubts as to the sincerity of her statement. He didn't know what he should feel. "How long have you known?"

Tonks, hand still over her mouth, shook her head in denial.

"Please tell me."

"About three months." She had taken her hand away from her mouth, but she was not looking at him.

"How did you find out?" He wondered what had given him away. Or who.

"I figured it out. I mean, you really don't do much to hide it."

He supposed that was true. Most of the rest of the Order already knew he was a werewolf, so it wasn't as if he had created some elaborate scheme to hide the fact.

He simply had a hard time believing that Tonks could find out he was a werewolf and not mention it to him. He'd cried on her shoulder, for heaven's sake, so she knew he trusted her.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He hoped he didn't sound too wounded.

"Why didn't you?" Her voice was angry, her words challenging.

Stung, he buried his face in his hands. She gasped, and moved closer to him, "I didn't mean–"

He cut her off. "No, you're right. You're absolutely right."

"Remus." He thought she sounded rather like a school teacher reprimanding a naughty child.

Not bothering to look up at her he muttered a muffled, "What?"

"Don't beat yourself up over this. That comment was out of line. You are under no compulsion to tell me anything." She gave a wry chuckle and rubbed his back. "It's not like we're lovers."

He felt a rush of disappointment, which was completely inappropriate, he rationalized, as she had just forgiven him for being an untrusting friend. He sat up straighter and looked her in the eye, attempting to smile. Her hand stopped moving on his back and she bit her lower lip.

Her eyes were dark, chocolatey brown. Usually, she changed them to something more interesting, more rainbow-like, perhaps blue ringed in green ringed in gold with flecks of grey, but he was fairly certain that they were naturally this deep, bottomless brown. She smelled like chocolate. And hazelnut. Cocking her head, she said, "I really don't care, Remus. I like _you._" And he knew it was the truth.

Overwhelmed by relief and affection, Remus really smiled. Without thinking he moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and brushing his lips against her cheek. She buried her face in his neck and he was felt her warm breath against his skin. Her lips parted slightly, in a phantom kiss.

Abruptly, she pulled away. "I almost forgot. Sirius wanted me to give you–" –she reached in the pocket of her robes– "this." In her palm lay a chocolate chip scone. "I think he wants to make up."

"Chocolate can't repair trust." But he bit into the scone anyway.

* * *

"Maybe not, but it will at least put you in a better mood to talk to him." Remus' eyes closed as he took a second bite of the scone. He was definitely enjoying it.

"This is wonderful. Here have some." He held out what was left of the scone. The remaining piece was smaller than her pinky nail. She ate it anyway.

"Wow. This _is_ good. Who would've guessed that Sirius was a decent pastry chef?"

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, fingers folded together. He was frowning again. "Sirius doesn't understand."

"What doesn't he understand?" She suddenly wanted Sirius to understand every layer of Remus. She suddenly wanted to, herself, understand every layer of Remus.

"I can't share everything with him. Some secrets are mine and mine alone."

He sounded desperate and honest. She thought he wanted to tell his secrets to someone, wanted to unburden, but, for some reason, couldn't.

"Why?"

"There are somethings about me, about my life, that I wish I didn't even know." The words were filled with finality, but his tone didn't fall. Tonks thought, and hoped, he would say more.

"No one else needs to know what it feels like to be bitten by a werewolf. No one else needs to know what it feels like to be isolated from those you love because you might kill them. No one else needs to know how terrified I am at the prospect of living among my own species. Not even Sirius. I'm not trying to keep him out, I'm trying to take care of him because I love him."

Tonks took his face into her hands, forcing him to look at her. "That's all you need to say to him. Even if he can't understand that you're trying to protect him, he can and will understand that you love him." He swallowed, giving her an imperceptible nod and a small smile.

"And remember, I don't need protection. You can tell me anything. But if you don't want to, that's fine too." She brushed her lips across his forehead and then stood, offering him a hand.

"I guess we'd better go supervise the pudding making, then?" He stood up, but did not let go of her hand.

"You read my mind."

* * *

Author's Note(s): 

Much love to my beta Bridget who is finally doing her job!

I posted an angsty oneshot earlier this week. It's Lily/Severus and rather strange. Anyway, I thought I'd let you all know in case you'd be interested in reading it and giving me some feedback.

* * *

Responses to reviewers:

**Muffin: **I think all the kinks have been worked out so each chapter is in its rightful spot, so hopefully you've now been able to read chapters six and seven. Thanks.

**Leaves: **I think there are a surprising number of really good Remus/Tonks fics, so you should really check them out! Anyway, I'm glad you liked mine. You're review made me very, very happy. Thank you.

**tonks4ever: **Suffice it to say that JKR definitely left room for Remus to be manipulative. There are passages and such to back this up. If you would still like specific cannon support, leave me an e-mail address and I'll send you a more complete answer. But, most importantly, being manipulative doesn't necessarily mean being evil. I don't consider it a negative quality unless you use it negatively. That said, I totally understand that the word does have a negative connotation, so I can see why you might be put off by such a description of his characterization.

**eleen: **Mmmm... some people do have terrible gaydar. In the next few (six) chapters we are going to work on fixing Tonks'. Thanks for the birthday wish. I feel a ray of sunshine every time a reviewer lets on that they read my massive collection of author's notes.

**Rah:** I'm so happy you finally dropped a review, but not as happy as I am to find out that you have been loyally reading this from the beginning or to hear that you think favorably on it compared to the other (amazing) Tonks/Remus stuff out there. Yay.

**Moi-inconnue: **What does your name mean? Yes, I am too lazy to use an online translator. Thanks for the review, by the way.

**Katie-Bug092: **Right after HBP came out, I went online everday to look for a story about Remus and Tonks during Ootp (but HBP compliant) with massive amounts of UST. There are so many about what happens after HBP or during HBP, but very few Ootp. Neither character is really my specialty, but finally I gave in and wrote one myself. I am glad you like it.

**chattypandagurl: **The irony of Tonks' misperception, never ceases to amuse me. There is so much more I plan to do with it. Everyone who wants it to end quickly is going to be disappointed so you and I can have a laugh.

**Alli-Baby: **You're back! Yay. I missed you, but it was my fault for not updating for three weeks. Glad you enjoy the innuendo!

**ellieo: **Thanks!

**MidnightDaydream: **I am sorry. I've have said it several times, but I'll say it again. You are going to have to patient with Tonks. She is going to be very slow in realizing Remus is not gay.

**Celi:** You're reviews are always appreciated!

**morgenlust: **I am _so _glad you are finally reading this story. It makes me more happy than anything else in the world. If the entire story could be dedicated to anyone, it would be you. Every SB/RL innuendo was put in with thoughts of you. I hope school is going well. I lost your new screen name... so im me!

**siriuslover25: **I think you are going to like chapter eight. And that's all I'm saying.

**Camilinha: **I do try to be funny. But you know... you can't be sure whether you're funny or strange or (this is usually what I get most often) cute. And my beta will laugh at anything, so she's not really a good test. Anyway, thanks.

* * *

Beta's Note: I do _not_ laugh at everything! I just happen to very easily amused. And slap-happy. Is that a _crime_! I hope not…I wouldn't do well incarcerated. 


	8. Nymphadora's Burdens Double

Title: Sensitivity  
Author: cinderalex (with some help from my Best Friend Becky on the storyboard end)  
Disclaimer: I don't claim ownership of anything you recognize. The plot, however is mine.  
Chapter Title: Nymphadora's Burdens (Double)  
Chapter Summary: Remus and Sirius (try to) help Tonks deal with her mother.  
Dedication: I dedicate this chapter to every woman who has ever tried to communicate with a man while PMSing and found him to be utterly useless and terribly annoying. Damn men, idiots all. They'll never understand. Even after three years, they still expect you to be rational. I mean, you'd think– sorry. A bit of personal vehemence seems to have seeped into my writing. Don't know _how_ that happened.

Love and hugs to my beta, Bridget!

* * *

let it go–the  
smashed word broken  
open vow or  
the oath cracked length  
wise–let it go it  
was sworn to  
go 

let them go–the  
truthful liars and  
the false fair friends  
and the boths and  
the neithers–you must let them go they  
were born  
to go

let all go–the  
big small middling  
tall bigger really  
the biggest and all  
things–let all go  
dear  
so comes love

-e.e. cummings

* * *

January 1996 

Kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

Sirius rued the day that the _Daily Prophet_ had begun theming its crossword puzzles. It made them too predictable. He liked his puzzles with a little more variety, same as he liked his Christmas Pudding with currants.

"HELLO? REMUS! SIRIUS!" Tonks' emerged from the fireplace, shouting.

"No need to yell. I'm right here." He turned towards her, setting his puzzle down.

Her face was red and her lips were pursed. "Well, I didn't know that, did I? You could've been anywhere, couldn't you?"

He nodded agreeably and, after a moment, returned to his crossword, mostly to avoid getting sick from watching her pace up and down the kitchen.

This puzzle's theme was 'The Court System.' Sirius only had one more square of words to fill and he'd only begun the puzzle an hour ago. He knew altogether too much about 'the court system' to be tricked by some pretentious prat's riddles.

"Do you know if Remus is around?" Tonks sounded exasperated, but Sirius wasn't sure why. He hadn't said anything to set her off, or at least he didn't think he had.

Maybe a joke would get her to stop pacing and have a laugh. So he said coyly, "Depends on who's asking."

"WHO DO YOU THINK IS ASKING?" Apparently joking was _not_ going to calm her.

"He's busy at the moment."

"Oh... busy. I see." She sounded skeptical. And surly. He didn't think she saw at all.

"Yes. Busy. He'll be down in–" –he looked at his watch–"--ten minutes."

"What's he doing then?" she asked, still appearing quite unconvinced.

If she wanted to know, he figured he might as well tell her. "Usually, after dinner, Remus goes upstairs to the loo. But he's pretty habitual, so I'm sure he'll be back down in the next ten minutes."

"You know his bowel habits?" Tonks was definitely disgusted.

Returning to his puzzle, he answered, "We live together."

Tonks huffed, still pacing.

He should know the first name of the wizard who started the Wizenmagot. William or Wallace or Raymond. That name was the key to the rest of the still empty box.

Tonks huffed again.

He was fairly certain that William was not the answer, because the second letter was probably 'a.' He was also fairly certain that the fourth letter was an 'l,' which ruled 'Raymond.' Before he could pen the 'w' of 'Wallace,' the paper was snatched out from in front of him.

"Hey! I was working on that!" If she insisted on invading the privacy of his kitchen to pace like a lunatic, the least she could do was leave him his puzzle to work on. Apparently her mother had failed at teaching her the courtesies of being a houseguest.

"Exactly."

He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Exactly what?"

"Can't you see I'm a little upset?"

"Well, yes. What I can't see is what your being upset has to do with me."

He thought she was going to smack him with the newspaper. Instead, she shoved it into the overflowing rubbish bin.

"My mother, your cousin–" –she sounded accusing– "–asked me if I had a boyfriend tonight during Sunday Dinner."

He wasn't why this question would upset her. "Do you?"

"No. But that's not the point. The point is my mother wants me to settle down and make grandchildren for her."

"Sounds reasonable."

"I'M TWENTY-THREE! There is nothing reasonable about me settling down. And, like I said, I don't even have a steady boyfriend."

"Is that what you told her?"

"Yes." She stopped pacing. "Well, no, not exactly."

"What did you tell her, then?" She whirled around to face Remus, who had just entered the room.

* * *

Tonks was not in the mood for surprises. Remus' sudden arrival into the kitchen had surprised her, as had his very impertinent question. 

"WHEN DID YOU COME IN?"

"Just now." He sounded truthful, but he was a man and she could never be sure with men.

"You didn't hear anything?"

"Well, I overheard quite a bit from upstairs, probably the whole exchange."

She'd thought better of him. "It's not polite to eavesdrop."

Sirius had the audacity to smile as he said, "Will you listen to yourself? Maybe then you'd realize that you're about to wake up my mother."

She wasn't about to take his lip. Or Mrs. Black's. So, she lowered her voice to spit, "Just what I've always wanted." She paused for dramatic effect. "Another mother to harass me about my failures as woman."

Remus moved toward the table. He pulled out a chair and gestured for her sit. Eying him suspiciously, she threw herself into the chair and crossed her arms over her chest.

Sitting down carefully next to her, he said, his voice irritatingly even, "You need to tell your mother that you are not interested in settling down right now. She'll understand that you have other things going on in your life right now."

"How do you know what my mother will and will not understand?" He had never even met her mother.

"Andromeda's a reasonable woman." She shot Sirius a sour look.

"You haven't seen her in years. She continues to become more and more unreasonable with every moment that passes. I can't _stand_ it when she's unreasonable. Like, for example, when she suggests that I settle down."

"You could always pretend to be settling down," Sirius began. His tone of voice was patronizing, as if he believed this was the obvious solution, one that she should have thought of and already put into action. "Tell her you have a boyfriend. One that you really like. One that you think has engagement possibilities."

"I wish that would be good enough."

"And why wouldn't it? Sounds like one of Sirius' better ideas to me." Tonks glared at Remus. Sirius being patronizing, she could understand, but such condescension from Remus was unexpected and unacceptable.

If they were going to be patronizing, then she would be patronizing right back. "Because," she paused deliberately to glare at Sirius, whose eyebrows were raised with curiosity, "she would insist on meeting him immediately and I can't very well bring an imaginary man to Sunday Dinner, now can I?"

"No, I don't supposed you can," Remus conceded.

"Now wait a second," Sirius murmured, his eyes lighting with what was obviously already a horrible idea. "There is a way you could bring an imaginary man to dinner." He was looking at Remus now, who seemed to have picked up on his idea and was shaking his head emphatically.

"Whatever it is, it won't work. My mother is meticulous about background checking my boyfriends. If he were imaginary, he would have no background to check, and she would find out."

Sirius was grinning now, and his amusement irked Tonks almost as much as the fact that he thought he could solve her problem.

"Sirius..." Remus warned, and for the first time that evening Tonks was grateful for his presence.

Sirius spoke anyway, blatantly ignoring Remus' warning. "You could tell her you were dating Remus. He's alive to do a full background check on. And he's available for Sunday Dinners."

"No."

Remus spoke before she had a chance to voice her protests. Even though his initial response was the same as hers, his snappish answer had nettled her, so she said, "You're not the kind of man I want to bring home to my parents anyway."

He flinched, visibly, and then nodded. "I'm far too old and far too poor and far too dangerous to gain the approval of your parents."

"But that's not the point!" Sirius burst. "You're not trying to gain their approval. You're just trying to pacify them, trying to keep them off Tonks' back for a while so that she has a chance to find someone she really does want to settle down with."

For a brief flicker of second, the idea made sense to Tonks, though she would never admit it to Sirius. Then Remus asked, "What makes you think I wanted to volunteer as some kind of stand-in for her eventual boyfriend?"

"Like I said, it would never work anyway. My mother would see right through you." Tonks felt deflated. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. She couldn't understand why she had been gifted with such an annoying mother. Or such disappointingly gay friends.

Rubbing her temples, she left the room in search of somewhere comfortable to collapse without another word to the two men left gaping in her wake. She'd had a long day.

* * *

A moment after Tonks' departure, Sirius rose and moved to follow her. 

"You're going after her?" Remus asked, incredulous.

Sirius snorted. "No. I'm leaving that to you." He reached into the rubbish bin and pulled out the newspaper.

"That's unsanitary."

Remus rose, intending to find and comfort Tonks. Sirius was a cad and she deserved some sympathy. And empathy.

"Don't follow her just yet. Give her a couple of minutes to calm herself."

"Yes sir, Mr. Ladies Man." He shot Sirius a wry smile and continued toward the door.

"You should let her be for a bit. I'm serious."

"Exactly," he called over his shoulder.

He climbed the stairs and went to the drawing room where he knew she would be. But when he looked into the room, he didn't see her.

"Tonks? Are you in here?"

Perhaps she was lying on the couch. Quickly, instinctively, he surveyed the room. Not finding her, he turned to leave.

And then he saw her, launching herself at him.

He was about to die. And he knew it. She was still crazily, even homicidally, angry at him.

Her fingers descended ominously to his ribs. He didn't have time to be confused by her change in mood before he was out of breath with laughter.

She was quick, dancing her fingers up to his armpits and laughing madly, but he was stronger. Within seconds, he had her pinned against the wall, their fingers interlocked above her head. They stared at one another grinning widely and breathing heavily. Her lips were slightly parted and very close to his, so close he could taste the chocolate cake she must've eaten earlier.

To break the silence he said, "You're certainly in a better mood." He realized it might be a mistake to bring up her fit after he'd spoken.

Her smile twisted and she shrugged. "I realized I really don't give a damn what my mother thinks about my love life. It's fine just the way it is."

"Good attitude. I feel the same way," he agreed, although when her tongue darted out to wet her lips, he wasn't so sure he'd told the truth.

Her smile disappeared, and she pressed her lips together. Swallowing, Tonks deep brown eyes lowered to stare pointedly at his mouth. He wondered if she was conscious of the invitation she presented.

"I think you can let me go now," she suggested softly.

"Alright," he replied, voice hushed, unsure why they were whispering. He released her hands, but she didn't move, continuing to stare disconcertingly into his eyes.

* * *

Remus had made a mistake, letting her hands go, but he didn't know that. Yet. 

Suppressing a shout of laughter, she took advantage of his lowered guard by grabbing for his wrists. Though she was successful in trapping one wrist, he threw the other one up and back, out of her reach. Jumping at it, she knocked him off balance. He grabbed at her shoulders, probably in order to steady himself and keep her back, however he only succeeded in bringing them both to the ground, Tonks spread out on top of him and their faces, again, imperceptibly close.

Remus squirmed beneath her for a several seconds before letting out a low, frustrated chuckle.

Tonks laughed with him, "Looks like I've gotten the best of you after all." She spoke the words against his lips. It only seemed natural that she should follow the statement with a playful smack. On the lips. His lips. Which were warm and wet and pressed lightly against her own.

Wanting to test their texture, she increased the pressure hesitatingly. Smooth lips yielded under her gentle insistence and she sighed against them in relief. For a moment they were both still. His breath, minty and moist, mingled with hers.

He moved slightly, perhaps to untangle himself, and suddenly they were kissing again. The hand holding his wrist drifted up, brushing over his pulse, to intertwine their fingers.

Her tongue she explored the contours of his lips, while the fingers of her free hand discovered the softness of his hair. Gently, he pressed his padded fingertips against her cheek.

Urgency and frustration flooded her. Arching into him, she attempted desperately to gain access to his mouth with tongue. Her fingers threaded in his hair, tugged slightly. He made soft, unintelligible noise.

She was kissing Remus. Remus Lupin. Incredibly Intelligent in a Sexy Way Remus Lupin. Sweetly Ticklish Remus Lupin. Gay Remus Lupin. Dating Sirius Remus Lupin.

_Oh Merlin_.

Horrified, she pulled back and rolled off of him.

She felt guilty. And aroused, which only made her feel more guilty. She didn't want to look at him, but she was certain he hadn't moved. He was probably still in shock, disgusted with her forwardness, with her femaleness.

"Well." Apparently he wasn't suffering from a loss for words.

Wanting to avoid further awkwardness, Tonks rose and headed for the door.

"Tonks, wait. You don't understand."

Without turning around she said, "I do. And I'm sorry."

* * *

Author's Note(s): 

This was a short chapter. Maybe the long author's notes will make up for it.

I apologize for the lateness of this post. No excuse. (Except for there are actually a lot, but I'd rather not write a six page author's note.)

Now, I have really bad news. Schoolwork continues to be a burden. And I am Honors College Failing My Intro to Social Relations Class, which is very bad because Social Relations is (one of) my major(s). This means I need to put effort into that class and actually read the hundred pages assigned a night. Yuck. Here's the bad news: **I am only going to be able to update every other week from now on. **For the same reason, I have 'grounded' myself from reading fanfiction. It's terrible.

I send my love out to anyone who is NaNo'ing. I'm an Official Supporter and Encourager, though I am not participating. YAY FOR WORD COUNT!

I've been posting massive amounts of drabbles on my LiveJournal (link on my profile page). I am also researching what people actually think about when kissing there as well and would appreciate any feedback you're willing to give concerning that subject.

* * *

Reviewer Responses: 

_Now in alphabetical order thanks to a wonderful suggestion by **Kerichi**. _

**bri007: **Laughter is good exercise. I am glad to help you keep in shape. I am also very fond of the scene with Sirius and Molly in the kitchen. For my job, I have to cook large meals with several other people and nobody ever agrees on anything.

**Celi: **Yes, Sirius _baking _in the kitchen makes a lovely picture. Very homey. And hilarious.

**ellieo**: Thanks so much for your review!

**hesterlester**: Why thank you, I am glad my writing is improving. I think that ch07 has more... voice, than the other chapters and that makes all the difference. As for the scones, your review sent me into a panic. I assume it is quite clear that I am an American for I make these _British_ characters do unforgivably American things like have 'favorite colors' instead of 'favourite colours.' However, I used chocolate chips scones, because, I thought at least, scones were something we shared with the British, and chocolate chip scones are my favorite (not favourite lol). After your comment, I did some research and found that chocolate chips are not traditional scone ingredients, but rather something that we uncivilized brutes in America added to them, along with pecans. (I love I am considering changing the flavor (oh dear not again) of the scones, but I am leaning towards laziness.

**KatieBell70: **I completely understand the crazy balancing act one must make to read fanfiction, write fanfiction, and fulfill more pressing obligations, in your case, your children and in mine, college. Damn classes, expecting me to attend like I paid for them or something! I just figured that Lupin had to join Greyback between the beginning of the fifth year and the beginning of the sixth, and, for my story, him going right then seemed like a great plot device. However, now that I speculate further, you might be right about him joining later, like in the summer between the two years. Oh well, it works for my story this way. As for me developing it, I hate to disappoint, but, as I am only writing about one moment a month, I am picking and choosing ones which most pertain to the Tonks/Remus relationship. Thus, Remus' assignment will only be mentioned in passing and not dealt with in depth. I'm a cop out, I know.

**Kerichi: **First, I want to apologize for my lack of reviews to your story. I really, really want to read it, but my roommate told me she'd throw me out of the window on a burning futon if I read any fanfiction before I get my grade up in Social Relations. Soon (which means eventually, but probably not anytime in the next two weeks), I promise. Second, I believe that there's truth in JKR's Harry/Ron loving jealousy. Best friends can rarely avoid such feelings. Portraying deep social truths in fanfiction makes me incredibly happy. I'm _such_ a pretentious geek. Thirdly, I'm glad to give you an excuse to eat chocolate. Go eat chocolate in honor of... me eating chocolate... right now. Fourthly, and you thought last chapter was a cliffie... LOL.

**Kwala: **I'm so glad you like this story. I know exactly how Tonks is going to find out Remus is not gay. I've known since the beginning. Hopefully, it will turn out as brilliant as it seems in my imagination. Thank you for your suggestions.

**Lupin-n-Tonks101: **So many fangirls think Remus and Sirius are gay that it seems entirely plausible Tonks would have this same misperception. Yay.

**redremwhoozie: **Thank you very much for the reviews. I would appreciate if you leant me back _my _Sirius and Remus so that I can write the next chapter, in which they are key players, or they would be, if they weren't rubber.

**slightly so: **It's a bit harder to justify Tonks' continual confusion now, eh? After that kiss, she must be blind (to what she's afraid wouldn't be there) or numb or at my whim to control...

**zan189: **About not letting you review, it's hard to explain and all my fault. So sorry. I'm glad you think Tonks is a liar for telling Remus that she figured out the werewolf thing on her own because I totally agree. However, it's a noble lie, as she's trying to protect Sirius from the wrath of his lover.


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